You say you don’t trust yourself? Did you know that the same feelings can filter down to your kids too?
Your Children May Not Trust Themselves
Lack of self-trust is far from uncommon. It’s possible that you developed this tendency while you were growing up.
You can pick it up as a kid and carry it into your adult life. You pass it on to your kids, and they do the same to theirs.Your actions and exchanges may be subtle. Your kids will hear what you and your spouse talk about as well as discussions by, or with, other family members.
You may well do things that you’re not even aware of, but your kids will pick up on those, too.
It’s a difficult situation because you want your kids to be safe. But you don’t want to suggest that they give a pass to everyone without question.
A delicate balance
Trusting yourself requires trusting others. That’s where the difficulty can creep in.
You’ve likely been burned by a few people enough times to warrant your caution. But, these experiences can also resonate with your children.
Aim for a balance. You want them to trust certain people while remaining mindful through the process.
Of course, you want to teach your kids always to be trustworthy themselves, even if others don’t respond in kind.
Minus that, self-trust will be near impossible.
If they let others down, they won’t have any reason to develop an internal trust. So you and your partner will want to doublecheck your own trustworthiness.
You may be trustworthy toward kids but not to other people. That can send the wrong signals to kids if you tell them they should be trustworthy to others.
It will leave them confused and unsure of what to do. In the long run, they’ll be untrustworthy, and they won’t develop self-trust.
Be sure to talk to your kids to help them develop the balance between caution and trust. If they have questions, be open to answering them.
Try not to take offense if they say you’re sending mixed signals with regards to trust. Find a balance and your kids will likely find it too.
Your family will have the necessary means to trust each other and yourselves. It’s not easy, but it’s definitely worth the effort.
You just have to keep at it.
JohnK 1-8-2019
Overheard: “Learning to trust is one of life’s most difficult tasks.”
~Isaac Watts
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