Mass Shootings, Boys, and Feeling The Feelings

It’s been a tough week in the U.S. with another school shooting capturing the country’s  attention. CHI FOR YOURSELF usually doesn’t discuss these types of events. Certainly not from a political perspective or one that whips the populace into a frenzy. 

 

Boy shows feelingsBut it’s worth noting that these shootings tend to have one thing in common. They’re committed by males. Young males. The nation asks “why?”

 

 

 

 

Today we look back to a 2013 CHI FOR YOURSELF episode with guest Cynthia Gill. She told us about ways in which boys are educated, conditioned, and often left with feelings of hopelessness.

 

Picture of Cynthia Gill
 

Cynthia Gill is the author of Jump-Starting Boys: Help Your Reluctant Learner Find Success in School and Life.  Hear the show by clicking on below–
 

 


 
Show logo shows feelings

 

(Article)

Down But Not Out: Feel the Feelings and Keep Going

 

The other day I was reminded of the waves of emotions that can roll through our lives unannounced. These can range from down days to the darker depression-like moods.

I dealt with those heavy feelings earlier in my life. I referred to those as “situational” since there were some troubling issues that had to be faced.

When I ran a search on the definition of emotions I found: A natural instinctive state of mind deriving from one’s circumstances, mood, or relationships with others.

Definition 2 read: Any of the particular feelings that characterize such a state of mind, such as joy, anger, love, hate, horror, etc. The key word in the first example is ‘natural’.

Your first reaction might be to turn your feelings away. You might push the feelings down, put them on hold until later, or use distractions to get your mind off of things.

You can deny them or indulge in them (often called wallowing). And there’s a cliche to match every situation- ‘I don’t have time to think about that now’, ‘It’s always something’, or ‘I’ll take care of it later.’

But what you’re feeling is neither positive nor negative. It’s all part of being human.

If your choice is not to experience intense feelings they could become embedded in your physical body. When they set up shop deep inside you they can have an effect on the way you look at the world.

The worst case scenario is that they can be so troubling as to cause illness. This is a good time to monitor your thinking, too.

One of the greatest figures in the Human Development field is Louise Hay. She put it this way, “The thoughts we choose to think are the tools we use to paint the canvas of our lives.”

You can bring out the feelings, front and center, to experience them in a safe and enriching way. When I feel the need to do this I pretty much drop whatever was planned for the day, if possible, and get to the feeling place.

You may have a more demanding schedule, so how about a date- with yourself? Pick a safe, secure, and comfortable place along with a time when you can be alone.

Start by remembering the circumstances that touched off the emotions you’ve been putting off. When you’ve stirred up the emotions let yourself FEEL them. Don’t block them.

Cry if you feel like it. Let any thoughts that come up come through.

And be gentle with yourself. This is not a good place to judge what’s happening.

Recognizing your emotions instead of pushing them away helps you to stay emotionally healthy and goes a long way toward truly conscious living.

 

JohnK 2-16-2018

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Image for overheard for feelingsOverheard: Thoughts are the shadows of our feelings – always darker, emptier and simpler.”

                       ~ Friedrich Nietzsche 

 

 

 

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Ira Israel on CHI FOR YOURSELF And A New “Freebie”

Ira Israel pictureLast week’s CHI FOR YOURSELF interview with Ira Israel ran into some “technical difficulty” as they say. So it was not available to you live. But my conversation with Ira was recorded.

Ira Israel is the author of How to Survive Your Childhood Now That You’re an Adult: A Path to Authenticity and Awakening.

 

First, a look at some of the show’s talking points:

  • The central theme of the book
  • The meaning of “negativity bias”
  • A definition of authenticity
  • The part resentment plays in our lives
  • Is there such a thing as the “mid-life crisis?”
  • The myth of romance
  • Beginning the process of forgiveness

…and, the show itself. Listen by clicking on below–

 



 

 


A new CHI FOR YOURSELF “freebie” is up and available. Get this free report on dealing with stress when you click here–

 

FREE Stuff

 

 

 

 

JohnK 2-13-2018

chiforyourself.com home page

 

 

 

Ira Israel on CHI FOR YOURSELF And A New “Freebie”

Ira Israel pictureLast week’s CHI FOR YOURSELF interview with Ira Israel ran into some “technical difficulty” as they say. So it was not available to you live. But my conversation with Ira was recorded.

Ira Israel is the author of How to Survive Your Childhood Now That You’re an Adult: A Path to Authenticity and Awakening.

 

First, a look at some of the show’s talking points:

  • The central theme of the book
  • The meaning of “negativity bias”
  • A definition of authenticity
  • The part resentment plays in our lives
  • Is there such a thing as the “mid-life crisis?”
  • The myth of romance
  • Beginning the process of forgiveness

…and, the show itself. Listen by clicking on below–

 



 

 

 


A new CHI FOR YOURSELF “freebie” is up and available. Get this free report on dealing with stress when you click here–

 

FREE Stuff

 

 

JohnK 2-13-2018

chiforyourself.com home page

 

 

 

A Grown-up Look At Childhood: Ira Israel on CHI FOR YOURSELF

It’s our first (first run) CHI FOR YOURSELF episode of 2018! 

Ira Israel pictureOur guest will be psychotherapist and counselor Ira Israel, author of How to Survive Your Childhood Now That You’re an Adult: A Path to Authenticity and Awakening.

Ira offers a step-by-step path to recognizing the ways of being that we created as children and transcending them with compassion and acceptance.

Hear the CHI FOR YOURSELF interview with Ira Israel on Friday, February 9th at 4 pm Eastern, 1 pm Pacific time at chiforyourself.com

 

JohnK 2-8-2018

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Adventures In Solitude With Robert Kull

Although many cultures have long recognized solitude as an opportunity to look inward, in our culture we sometimes think that spending time alone is unhealthy.

In the 2009 CHI FOR YOURSELF interview with Robert Kull, we learned that spending time alone can actually soften our sense of alienation from others. Kull used his journey to deep wilderness solitude to drive that point home.

Robert Kull talking solitude

Robert Kull is the author of SOLITUDE: Seeking Wisdom in Extremes- A Year Alone in the Patagonia Wilderness.

Listen to the interview by clicking on below-

 

 

 

 

 

JohnK 2-2-2018

chiforyourself.com home page

 

 

 

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Eating To Live And The Signs That You Eat Too Much

 
 
Eating is a fundamental pillar of life. Most of us enjoy it, especially when we’re savoring some great tasting food!
 
eating bad food Unfortunately, we also don’t always have the best sense of when to stop eating. Especially when we have access to good-tasting foods in immense quantities.
 
We poke fun at humorous situations such as Homer Simpson eating until he can’t move. But, there are consequences to this. They range from a mild stomach ache to cardiovascular disease or diabetes.
 
 
 
 
Plus, overeating is not as dramatic as eating until our pants are about to burst. It’s subtle. It’s more like eating more than we need in one sitting. Or eating until we’re full rather than eating until we’ve gotten the nutrients we need.
 
We don’t have the natural constraints our ancestors did to prevent us from overeating. In evolutionary terms, most humans couldn’t overeat. Large-scale agriculture and food processing are fairly recent developments.
 
Most humans (especially Americans) have access to more food and convenience than ever.
 
So, what drives us to eat more than we need?
 
One key insight is the emotional connection to food many people have. Research has shown that they tend to eat more or overeat when they’re feeling sad. Or depressed. Or if they’re struggling with an issue.
 
A study in the Journal of Adolescent Health looked at eating disorders like binge eating. It found that “it’s important to consider depressive symptoms in overeating.”
 
Are we eating because we’re hungry, or because of an emotional issue we’re dealing with?
 
Another consideration is symptoms of Hypoglycemia or low blood sugar. The Medical University of Warsaw found that these symptoms can lead people to eat more. Why? To satisfy urges to increase insulin. So, it’s important to practice moderation when eating sweets. They cause us to eat far more than we actually need.
 
Finally, your body is your best warning system. Warnings come when you experience constipation, blockage, vomiting or stomach aches. Your body is telling you it’s had enough.
 
If you feel a constant need for laxatives or antacids it’s most likely your body’s alarm system at work. It’s telling you that you’ve taken in far more food than you need.
 
Your body’s energy level and mental alertness also are signs of eating too much.
 
We all enjoy a well-prepared meal or delicious healthy snacks. Yet as far as biology is concerned food is no more than fuel for our body to consume and turn into energy.
                                                                                                                                          eating bad food
But when you bog your system down with excess or poor quality food (A.K.A. junk food) your energy will decrease. You’ll feel sluggish and less alert. Rather than boost energy, it will make your digestive system feel overloaded.
 
Your brain and your emotions work together to send you the warnings. These can come in the form of depression or stress.
 
 
 
 
Be mindful with this. Be aware of your current state. Your body tells you through your energy levels and digestion system when you’ve had too much.
 
The signals are there. Are you listening?
 
JohnK 1-31-2018
 
 
Image for overheard for eatingOverheard: “It’s not that some people have the willpower and some don’t. It’s that some people are ready to change and others are not.”
                    ~Carl Sandburg
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Build Self-Esteem: The First Step Toward Self-Development

 

 
If you’re interested in self-development but have low self-esteem, the first thing you need to do is change that. Until you do, it’s much harder to assess what you need to learn and change to achieve your goals. In fact, if you have low self-esteem it can be difficult to even see what your goals are.
 
dartboard of self-esteem
 
Imagine yourself as a dart board. At times anything and anyone can become a damaging dart pin at one point or another.
 
These dart pins will destroy your self-esteem and pull you down in ways you may not even be conscious of. It’s important not to let them destroy you, or get the best of you.
 
 
 
 
So what are the dart pins to avoid, and how can you keep them from hurting you?
 
Dart Pin #1  Negative Work Environment
 
Beware of “dog eat dog” theory where everyone else is fighting to get ahead. This is where non-appreciative people usually thrive.
 
No one will appreciate your contributions even if you miss lunch and dinner, and stay up late. You may find you are working harder and harder for less and less return.
 
Stay away from this since it can ruin your self-esteem. Find ways to manage your work within the normal working day at least 90% of the time.
 
If you have to compete with others, compete on your own terms. Don’t fall into power games or negative behavior that could hurt your self-image.
 
Dart Pin #2: Other People’s Behavior
 
Bulldozers, brown nosers, gossipmongers, whiners, backstabbers, snipers, the walking wounded, controllers, naggers, complainers, exploders, patronizers, sluffers … all these negative behaviors in others can damage your self-esteem.
 
And, they’ll push back your self-development program. But remember, it’s not the person who is the problem: it’s their behavior.
 
Dart Pin #3: Changing Environment
 
Changes challenge our paradigms. They test our flexibility, adaptability, and they alter our thought process.
 
Changes will make life difficult for a while and often cause stress. But when we look back we’ll see that change is often the catalyst or cause of self-development. Decide not to resist it.
 
Dart Pin #4: Past Experience
 
It’s okay to cry and say “ouch!” when you experience pain. But don’t let past hurts turn pain into fear.
 
Dragging the issues of your past relationship into your new one is a road to failure. Don’t expect your partner to be a mirror image of your last partner.
 
Treat each failure and mistake as a lesson, and move on.
 
Dart Pin #5: Negative World View
 
Look at what you’re looking at. Don’t wrap yourself up with all the negativities of the world. In building self-esteem, we must learn how to make the best out of worst situations.
 
Dart Pin #6: Determination Theory
 
Your behavior is said to be the result of a mixture. The ingredients include your inherited traits and your upbringing.
 
Other factors include your environment, such as friends, work situation, and the economy. You can even throw in the climate in your country.
 
Know that your genetics or upbringing don’t determine your life path. Failures among your family members don’t rub off.
 
Learn from other people’s experience, so you’ll never have to encounter the same mistakes.
 
In life, it can be hard to stay true to your code. Especially when things and people around you seem to keep pulling you down.
 
Yet, building self-esteem will lead to self-development if you become responsible. Be responsible for who you are, what you have, and what you do.
 
man raising self-esteem
 
When we develop self-esteem, we take control of our mission, values, and discipline. Self- esteem brings about self-improvement, true assessment, and determination.
 
So how do you start putting up the building blocks of self-esteem? Be positive. Be contented and happy. Be appreciative. Never miss an opportunity to compliment.
 
A positive way of living will help you build self-esteem and set you on the path to positive self-development.
 
JohnK 1/24/2018
 
 
self-esteem image of stick manOverheard: “Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your handbrake on.”
                       ~ Maxwell Maltz
 
 
 
 
 
 

Healing Our Relationships: John Welshons on CHI FOR YOURSELF

 

CHI FOR YOURSELF was in its infancy in 2009 when we heard from John Welshons. 

John talked about healing our most difficult relationships by transforming them into our greatest spiritual lessons. 

 

John Welshons

 

John Welshons is the author of ONE SOUL, ONE LOVE, ONE HEART: The Sacred Path To Healing All Relationships.

You can listen to the interview by clicking on below–

 


  

JohnK 1-20-2018

chiforyourself.com home

 

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3 Steps to Creating New Habits

 
Let’s talk about forming new habits. There are times in our lives when we want to create new and better habits for ourselves.
 
This could include getting into the habit of eating healthier. It might be drinking more water. Or it could be moving more and taking the dog for a daily walk. Or it could be work-related, or spiritual, or…
 
There are so many areas in our lives we can improve and make easier if we create new habits. 
 
Getting into the habit of doing something is often easier said than done. We seem to form bad habits without any effort, but getting into a “good” habit can be a little more challenging. 
 
arrows toward habits
 
We’ll break it down into a three-step process. This will make it easy to follow until you’ve internalized the new behavior and made it a true habit. You’ll do it without having to think about it. Like brushing your teeth. 
 
Decide What You Want To Do 
 
The first step is to decide what the new habit is. Be as specific as possible. Be bold. Don’t tell yourself you want to exercise more. Say something like “I will go for a 30-minute walk every single day.” Deciding what your new habit will be and committing to when and how you’re going to do it, is half the battle. 
 
Remind Yourself To Get It Done 
 
The next few days should be smooth sailing. You’re motivated and excited to get this done. Sticking to your new habit isn’t an issue. But a few days in you’ll notice that it’s easy to slip back into old habits. 
 
Say it’s raining and you’re not feeling like going out and walking. Or the hours in your day seem to be getting away from you. This is when it’s important to have a daily reminder. Set an alert on your phone or add the new habit to your daily to-do list for a while. 
 
Make It Part Of Your Routine Until It Becomes A Habit 
 
It takes some time before a new behavior becomes a true habit. Until then, a routine will work to your best advantage.
 
A routine will help you solidify the habit. This way you won’t have to spend a lot of willpower or rely on daily reminders. 
 
Make that daily walk part of your after-dinner routine. Or switch from grabbing a snack at the vending machine at work at 10:00 in the morning to packing a healthy snack. 
 
You can do this! Decide to create the new habit. Practice the routine until it’s second nature and you’ll be well on your way to forming a new good habit. 
 
JohnK 1-17-2018
 
 
 
 
Image for overheard for habit formingOverheard:  “Whatever ought to be, can be”
                     ~ James Rouse
 
 
 
 
 
 

Julie Loar And The Resurgence of Feminine Energy

It was the start of another year. 2011 to be exact. CHI FOR YOURSELF welcomed Julie Loar.

Julie’s the author of  Goddesses for Every Day: Exploring The Wisdom and Power of the Divine Feminine Around the World.” 

 

 

 

Listen to the interview by clicking on below..

 

 

JohnK 1-13-2018

chiforyourself.com home page

 

 

Subscribe to GenuLines- get CHI FOR YOURSELF guest information and more!