Tag Archive for healing heartbreak

Does Your Life Hold Meaning?

picture of john kobikWe’re moving right along in the CHI FOR YOURSELF series on finding your “why.” Time to take notice of feelings that are surfacing. Maybe you’re a little down and thinking that your life doesn’t have much meaning. If so, this installment is intended to give you the courage to keep move through the feelings.


Does Your Life Hold Meaning?                                                          


Can you honestly say that your life holds meaning for you? If you are not sure, then do you know how to identify your true calling in life? Once you do the next step is to have the strength to follow it.

Many people sit and feel quite depressed about not knowing what they should be doing with their life. This happens early in life. Do you remember being in high school and having to choose a career for the rest of your life? Talk about feeling pressured at a young age.

Everyone has some type of true calling or purpose in life, and yes life does have a meaning. Sometimes your true calling is staring you in the face, you just don’t recognize it yet.

Your true calling can be identified in various ways. Many people believe that God will show them the way to their true calling. Others experience dreams that open up their eyes to a new opportunity.

You have no doubt heard stories about people experiencing death and then coming back to life. When they recover they find they have a new outlook on life altogether.

Now, you don’t have to wait for something terrible to happen to you! Instead, you can start discovering your true calling and the meaning of life yourself.

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Sit down and think about what it is that you would love to do with your life. Think about what you would do if money was no objection and you didn’t have to worry about anyone but yourself.

Write down all the things that come to mind. If you have several put them in order of priority. Which is the one item that you truly feel passionate about? Then ask yourself– if you were to do this would you feel as though your life had meaning?

When you can truly answer these questions openly and honestly you will be well on your way to uncovering what the meaning of life has for you. Remember we are all different and no two people will see something in the same way.
Your next step is to be courageous and follow your passion. You may be surprised at the opportunities that open up for you. There is no reason for anyone to be sitting and feeling unfulfilled, or thinking that their life has no purpose. It does, you just have to find yours.

Listen to this article by clicking on the following player:



JohnK 10-3-2016

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stick figure of manOverheard: “Everyone now knows how to find the meaning of life within himself.”
~ Kurt Vonnegut, The Sirens of Titan


Can Anger Identify Your Passion?

picture of john kobikLIfe seems to provide an endless supply of things that make us angry, bugged, hassled, or ticked-off! Yet if we examine those feelings they can take us a long way toward finding our fulfillment. This next installment in the CHI FOR YOURSELF series on finding your “why” is offered to you as another tool for self-discovery.


Can  Anger  Identify  Your  Passion?                                                          


If you have read any type of self-development or improvement information, you know you are told to find those things that make you feel happy. Everyone should have a passion in life, as this helps you add meaning to your life. But just how do you find it?

One way to identify your passion is to look at those things that make you angry. You know, those times when you fly off the handle without even thinking about it. This could be when you see an animal being mistreated or hear about a child being abused.

Still not sure what your passion is? Then take a look around you and make note of all the things that make you upset. Anything that stirs some type of emotion in you; tears, anger, or frustration.

It can be helpful to write these things down, especially if you have more than one thing that bothers you. Once you have your list select the main one that troubles you the most. This would be the one thing that you would happily fix if you could.

The more personal this becomes the more passionate you will be. If you have seen one of your pets abused first hand, this would resonate with you on a much deeper level.
angry man

When you get angry your feelings can often overwhelm you. You have no real control over them and they flare up unexpectedly. What this signifies is that you are dealing with something you are passionate about. Your goal is to now take this energy and turn it into a passion instead of feeling angry.

When identifying your passion you need to pick that one thing that you can identify with. You don’t want to bend to the rules of society and be passionate about something just to be part of a group.

Finding your passion often entails getting out of your comfort zone. It is way too easy to like something just because a friend does. It is much harder to stick up for yourself and stay passionate to your true feelings.

By being true to your own feelings, you are fulfilling your life. You are doing something meaningful and making a difference. Not everyone is going to approve of what your passion is. You need to have the confidence to stay on track, if and when friends try to tell you otherwise. This way you will know you are being true to yourself and to your passion.

You can listen to this article by clicking on the player:


Be well!

John in cursive





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“The greatest remedy for anger is delay.”
~ Lucius Annaeus Seneca



Are You Stuck Finding Your Why?

picture of john kobikThe CHI FOR YOURSELF series on finding your why is moving right along. But as we reach the mid-way point you may be feeling as though you’ve hit a wall. This process is simple but not always easy. The following tips (I think of them as bullet points) are intended to give more clarity to your journey.


Are  You  Stuck  on  Finding  Your  Why?                                                                          

Anyone who has taken any type of self-improvement course has been told to find their why. While this may sound easy enough, it is not always simple to identify your why. This article will give you some suggestions for how you can really find your why in life.

Before you can identify your why you need to know which area of your life needs improvement. Why are you looking for a meaning to your life? Are you looking for an overall purpose, or do you need to develop a why for a specific reason? For example, you may want to uncover your why so you can lose weight or stick to an exercise regimen.

It can often be a little easier to define your why for specific reasons. If you are trying to lose weight you will want to have certain reasons for doing so. This could include wanting to look more attractive, to feel better, to be able to play with your kids or to battle a medical issue.

To uncover your why it can be helpful to understand why you are doing your current habits. With eating, as an example, why is it that you are over eating? Are you self-conscious about a certain part of your body? Are you addicted to sugar or to carbs?

Once you have this information in hand it can be easier to develop a why. If you want to kick the sugar habit start paying attention to those times when you eat more sugar.  Are you feeling unhappy or alone when you do this?

Uncovering your why can be difficult and it does require that you are open and honest with yourself. But once you have a why then you can be more focused and motivated.

If you want to find your why to living a more fulfilled and happier life in general,  you have to do almost the same steps.  First, you need to identify what it is that is making you feel unhappy. Are you lonely, do you hate your job, or do you wish you were in a better relationship?

Once you know why you feel the way you do, it will be easier to take corrective steps. If you are feeling lonely, can you join a health or social club? If you are just plain bored, is there a hobby that you would like to start?

Even if you are currently stuck on finding your why use the above steps to uncover your true feelings. This, in return, will identify your why.

If you would like to listen to this article click on the player:



JohnK 9-19-2016

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“Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking.”

~ Marcus Aurelius

Finding Your Why

picture of john kobikThe CHI FOR YOURSELF series on finding your purpose in life continues with this installment called “Finding Your Why.”


Finding  Your  Why


Do you have a why in your life? A reason that keeps you motivated and helps you to get out of bed each morning? If you don’t you may often feel as though you are just plodding along the path of life. All you do is go through the motions of living without having anything to look forward to.

woman searching

If you don’t have a why in your life then it is definitely time to discover what yours is. Most likely you have a dream or a goal that you would love to pursue, but for some reason, you don’t.

For anyone who is attempting to achieve something or reach a goal, it is much easier to do so if you have a reason for it. This way of thinking is often associated with people who are trying to lose weight. Nothing seems to work for them until they uncover the true reason for why they want to lose weight.

Your why can be quite simple and it could be doing certain things in order to become healthier. Or maybe you why is to start an online business so you can retire with your partner from your jobs.

Your why is often associated with your health, family, and financial goals. After all without money you can’t pay the bills or buy food to feed your family.

One thing to bear in mind, as well, is that your why can change as you grow. As your life changes so do the things you need, this can give you a different purpose in life.

A younger person may have a why of saving for a new home or getting a University degree. As you age your why may change to include exercising more so you can enjoy your grandchildren.

Many people will turn to religion in order to uncover their why. No two people will ever share the same why. You may have the same goal as someone else. But you will both have different reasons for attaining them.

The best way to discover your why is to be honest with yourself. This requires letting all your skeletons out of your closet. Sit down in a quiet place and truly think about what it is you want out of life.

This is not always an easy process even when you do know your why. You may not know how to achieve it at first. Just remember to keep an open mind and start working in a small way each day to achieve your why.

(You can listen to this article by clicking on the player below)



JohnK 9-12-2016

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“He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.”
~ Friedrich Nietzsche

Your Dreams Then and Now: What They May be Saying to You

picture of john kobikFinding your why. That’s our intention in this continuing  CHI FOR YOURSELF series. In today’s installment, we look at your childhood dreams and what they may be telling you all these years later. Keep dreaming!


Your  Childhood  Dreams


Do you remember the dreams that you had in your childhood? The ones that centered around what you would like to do when you grew up. Did you ever follow those dreams or have they been pushed into the depths of your mind?

If you are feeling as though your life is missing something then you may want to take a look at the dreams you had as a child. If you still carry them with you, chances are they are things that you are passionate about.

Think back and let your childhood memories surface. Back then did you want to fly a plane, be a fireman or doctor or travel to the other side of the world? Did you want to play in a band or write poetry all day?

picture of word dream

Of course, some of your childhood dreams may not have been practical. Especially those based around space travel or adventures on the high seas!

Once you have uncovered your dreams, are there any that now seem more reachable? If so, then why not attempt to make one of them come true?

If you wanted to be a singer, act in a play or write a novel, why not start now and do those things? You really are never too old to try something new, and it’s never too late to take up a new hobby.

What are your current talents and gifts? Can you combine one of your talents with a dream? Maybe as a child/ you wanted to travel the world on a ship. Why not write a novel based on this?

Maybe you have a talent for art and graphics. Can you combine this with an old dream? You could look into ways of helping young children become a graphic artist. Or use your talents to support a local charity or cause.

Just because you have matured, it doesn’t mean that you can’t have dreams and desires anymore. Take your life experiences and mix them with your desires and create a new passion or interest in your life.

It actually takes risks and courage to follow a dream at any age. Are you prepared to finally make one of your childhood dreams come true? If you don’t take a chance on yourself, you are missing out on fulfilling your life. Remember that no-one else is going to do it for you!


JohnK 9-5-2015

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Listen to the article by clicking on this player…


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All our dreams can come true – if we have the courage to pursue them. –                                     Walt Disney

Uncovering Your True Calling in Life

picture of john kobikHere it is, another Monday, and you’re hard at work. Maybe you’re thinking about someone who seems to be blessed with knowing just exactly what to do with his or her life. Maybe you’d like to know that feeling, too. And maybe you know there’s something special you’re meant to do but you’re not sure how to go about it. CHI FOR YOURSELF continues the series into “Finding Your Why” with ideas to help you move closer to your purpose.

Uncovering  Your  True  Calling  in  Life                                                                       

Many people believe that they have a true calling in life. This is something that they feel compelled to do, regardless of the odds. When you have this feeling, you are driven towards taking action. But what happens when you are not confident of where your true calling may take you?

It is very easy to mistake your true calling as nothing more than a mere dream or desire. You may feel as though you were meant to do this thing but finding the opportunity to follow your dream is holding you back. It can also be a frightening experience, to suddenly give up a stable job in order to follow a new path.

Many musicians and authors felt as though they had a true calling in life. They were always drawn to words or music in such a way that they couldn’t help themselves. There are many professional musicians who didn’t have the support of their relatives. Not until a family member saw them perform and saw how the magical allure drew the audience in, did they understand the passion.

Authors are the same way. They feel as though they have to write, no matter what. They lock themselves away for days or weeks so that they can put all those words onto paper.
man thinking

Even if you can’t manage to follow your true calling in life full time. There is no reason why you can’t put time and effort into it on a more part time basis. If you have that longing to write a book, then start writing it in your spare time. At least you are allowing yourself to follow your passion.

Not sure if you even have a true calling in your life? Most people do.The problem lies in recognizing it. Look toward your dreams and desires. Is there one thing that keeps popping over and over again?

If so, this could be your true calling. Examples of a true calling include becoming a doctor or nurse. Travelling to a distant country and doing mission work. Or your true calling could be raising money for a charity or working with young children or animals.

The next time you are sitting bored at your desk, let some of those dreams come to the surface. Then look for a way that you can work on one of them to make your dream a reality. Once you do, you’ll finally be following your true calling.


You can listen to this article on an mp3 file by clicking on this player:


JohnK 8-29-2016

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Overheard: “If you ask me what I came to do in this world, I, an artist, will answer you: I am here to live out loud.”
~Émile Zola


Susan Anderson Talks Abandonment on CHI FOR YOURSELF: Then and Now

picture of john kobikI’m sure you found last week’s interview with Susan Anderson helpful. She’s dedicated a lot of her working life on the subject of abandonment, and she’s felt so much of that pain herself! There are two interviews with Susan Anderson on this page:


picture of Susan AndersonThis interview was recorded this past Thursday (Aug. 25th) when we discussed THE ABANDONMENT RECOVERY WORKBOOK: Guidance through the Five Stages of Healing from Abandonment, Heartbreak, and Loss. In it Susan shares some of her tools for dealing with the pain of abandonment in a number of areas. If you missed the program you can hear it by clicking on the Blog Talk Radio logo:

Blog Talk Radio logo

Here’s a list of talking points from the show:

  • Abandonment defined
  • Susan’s dealings with abandonment
  • How abandonment affects social status
  • S.W.I.R.L.
  • Death, rage, and abandonment
  • How abandonment is similar to PTSD
  • Overeating as abandonment
  • What we can do to heal right now

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picture of Susan AndersonThis interview was recorded in 2015 and it deals with Susan’s book Taming Your Outer Child: Overcoming Self-Sabotage and Healing from Abandonment. Click on the Blog Talk Radio logo to be taken to the show.

Blog Talk Radio logo


JohnK 8-28-2016

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Inner Exploration and Your Dreams

picture of john kobikLast week we posed the question “do you know where your passion is?” Today we drill down a bit more on the topic. You can read the article or listen to the mp3 which follows.


Uncovering  Your  Passions  and  Your  Why  


Use the following ways to easily uncover your passions and discover your why in life. Make a list of all the things that you have always dreamed about doing. These should be all those items that you haven’t done because of a lack of money, time or they seemed to be impractical.

Use these questions to uncover your dreams:


1. What is the one thing that you are always dreaming about but haven’t done yet?

2. What did you want to do or be when you were growing up?

3. Have you ever abandoned a dream?

4. What is it that you want to do, but are afraid of doing?

Once you have identified your dreams your next step is to create a plan of action. You may have ended up with a relatively long list. If so make time to start doing a few of them each month. If you have to schedule time for them into your work calendar.

For those dreams that require more effort and time look for a way that you can attempt to do one. Your dream may be to visit an exotic country or help build a new school in an under-developed country. Look for ways to make this come true. This would be your long term passion and why.

If you don’t have too many dreams, try the same experiment with your hobbies. Write out a list of hobbies that you have done at one time, those that you currently do and those that you would love to do.

Don’t have a list of hobbies, what are the things you currently spend time on that make you feel happy and fulfilled? Look for ways to turn these into a hobby.

You may even be at a point in your life where you wish to turn a part-time hobby into a full-time one. If you enjoy art, ceramics, poetry, music, writing, dance or a particular exercise. Look to see if you can do this full time. Can you become a yoga instructor, ceramics or art teacher or write your own novel?

If your hobby or interest doesn’t transition well into a way of making you money see if you can get involved in a different way. You may love to run marathons and smaller events for a local charity. Look for a way to get involved in running that could provide you with an income.

You will be participating in your passion and this will make you feel happier with life.



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This week on CHI FOR YOURSELF:

Picture of Susan AndersonSusan Anderson, author of THE ABANDONMENT RECOVERY WORKBOOK: Guidance Through the 5 Stages of Healing from Abandonment, Heartbreak, and Loss. Thursday at 4pm Eastern, 1pm Pacific


JohnK 8-22-2016

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The Week Ahead: Healing the Heart and Feeling the Passion

picture of john kobikIf you’re feeling the flood of feelings brought on by abandonment listen up! Our next CHI FOR YOURSELF guest makes her second visit to bring us tools and exercises intended to help you discover and heal underlying issues, identify self-defeating behaviors of mistrust and insecurity, and build self-esteem. Susan Anderson is the author of THE ABANDONMENT RECOVERY WORKBOOK: Guidance Through the 5 Stages of Healing from Abandonment, Heartbreak, and Loss.

Picture of Susan Anderson

Susan Anderson

She’ll be with us on Thursday, August 25th at 4pm Eastern, 1pm Pacific time at chiforyourself.com

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man cryingThis week CHI FOR YOURSELF began a series on finding your passion. If you missed the post you can hear it by clicking on this player..



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…and, if you’re eating out this weekend- Choose whole grains over flour products. Something like oatmeal is more nutritious and has less fat than bagels, French toast, pancakes, or sugary cereals. For dinner, try a Thai or Chinese restaurant that serves brown rice rather than going for pizza and pasta.


Have a great weekend!


JohnK 8-19-2016

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listener animationOverheard:

” ‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”

~ Alfred Lord Tennyson




It’s Monday. Do You Know Where Your Passion Is?

picture of john kobikAre  you  just  working  or  following  a  passion?   How do you view your job? As something that brings home a paycheck, or do you consider your job to be something that you are passionate about? Many truly successful people in life are so successful because they are following their passion. They really enjoy going to work each and every day. This is because they feel that they are making a difference each time they do so. So how can you get to the point where you are performing a job that you really enjoy each day?

One way to achieve this is to look inside yourself and discover what gifts and talents you have. If you are not sure what your talents are, ask a family member. Schools today focus on teaching you the skills to get a good job, without even tapping into passion. You are taught to train for a good paying job and while fun at first, the excitement of it wears off. After a few years in your profession, you are feeling bored and unfulfilled. This is exactly why there are so many people pursuing a job that they aren’t happy with. Let’s take a look at some of the gifts and talents you may already possess.

You may be a great musician or singer, do you enjoy dancing? Do you love working with people? Or you may possibly be a great listener. Once you can identify one of your talents then you want to look for ways to use it. If you enjoy working with people, you may consider working with school children or even seniors. If you are a great listener you could become a social worker, a counselor or even a human resources person. If you can’t pursue your talent full time then think about doing it occasionally. You could also volunteer your time by using your talents. If you enjoy animals you could volunteer to help raise money for the humane society. Or raise needed equipment and tools for a local charity.

When you start to follow one of your passions you will instantly feel happier with your life. You will have a purpose in life, something to look forward to each week.
While you still may have to work to pay your bills and provide for your family. You have now found a new outlet – your passion. This could be the perfect way to improve your life, reduce stress and feel as though you are doing some good in the world!


JohnK 8-15-2016

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“There is no passion to be found playing small – in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.” —Nelson Mandela

          ~Nelson Mandela