Our guest will be psychotherapist and counselor Ira Israel, author of How to Survive Your Childhood Now That You’re an Adult: A Path to Authenticity and Awakening.
Ira offers a step-by-step path to recognizing the ways of being that we created as children and transcending them with compassion and acceptance.
Hear the CHI FOR YOURSELF interview with Ira Israel on Friday, February 9th at 4 pm Eastern, 1 pm Pacific time at chiforyourself.com
Although many cultures have long recognized solitude as an opportunity to look inward, in our culture we sometimes think that spending time alone is unhealthy.
In the 2009 CHI FOR YOURSELF interview with Robert Kull, we learned that spending time alone can actually soften our sense of alienation from others. Kull used his journey to deep wilderness solitude to drive that point home.
Robert Kull is the author of SOLITUDE: Seeking Wisdom in Extremes- A Year Alone in the Patagonia Wilderness.
Eating is a fundamental pillar of life. Most of us enjoy it, especially when we’re savoring some great tasting food!
Unfortunately, we also don’t always have the best sense of when to stop eating. Especially when we have access to good-tasting foods in immense quantities.
We poke fun at humorous situations such as Homer Simpson eating until he can’t move. But, there are consequences to this. They range from a mild stomach ache to cardiovascular disease or diabetes.
Plus, overeating is not as dramatic as eating until our pants are about to burst. It’s subtle. It’s more like eating more than we need in one sitting. Or eating until we’re full rather than eating until we’ve gotten the nutrients we need.
We don’t have the natural constraints our ancestors did to prevent us from overeating. In evolutionary terms, most humans couldn’t overeat. Large-scale agriculture and food processing are fairly recent developments.
Most humans (especially Americans) have access to more food and convenience than ever.
So, what drives us to eat more than we need?
One key insight is the emotional connection to food many people have. Research has shown that they tend to eat more or overeat when they’re feeling sad. Or depressed. Or if they’re struggling with an issue.
A study in the Journal of Adolescent Health looked at eating disorders like binge eating. It found that “it’s important to consider depressive symptoms in overeating.”
Are we eating because we’re hungry, or because of an emotional issue we’re dealing with?
Another consideration is symptoms of Hypoglycemia or low blood sugar. The Medical University of Warsaw found that these symptoms can lead people to eat more. Why? To satisfy urges to increase insulin. So, it’s important to practice moderation when eating sweets. They cause us to eat far more than we actually need.
Finally, your body is your best warning system. Warnings come when you experience constipation, blockage, vomiting or stomach aches. Your body is telling you it’s had enough.
If you feel a constant need for laxatives or antacids it’s most likely your body’s alarm system at work. It’s telling you that you’ve taken in far more food than you need.
Your body’s energy level and mental alertness also are signs of eating too much.
We all enjoy a well-prepared meal or delicious healthy snacks. Yet as far as biology is concerned food is no more than fuel for our body to consume and turn into energy.
But when you bog your system down with excess or poor quality food (A.K.A. junk food) your energy will decrease. You’ll feel sluggish and less alert. Rather than boost energy, it will make your digestive system feel overloaded.
Your brain and your emotions work together to send you the warnings. These can come in the form of depression or stress.
Be mindful with this. Be aware of your current state. Your body tells you through your energy levels and digestion system when you’ve had too much.
If you’re interested in self-development but have low self-esteem, the first thing you need to do is change that. Until you do, it’s much harder to assess what you need to learn and change to achieve your goals. In fact, if you have low self-esteem it can be difficult to even see what your goals are.
Imagine yourself as a dart board. At times anything and anyone can become a damaging dart pin at one point or another.
These dart pins will destroy your self-esteem and pull you down in ways you may not even be conscious of. It’s important not to let them destroy you, or get the best of you.
So what are the dart pins to avoid, and how can you keep them from hurting you?
Dart Pin #1 Negative Work Environment
Beware of “dog eat dog” theory where everyone else is fighting to get ahead. This is where non-appreciative people usually thrive.
No one will appreciate your contributions even if you miss lunch and dinner, and stay up late. You may find you are working harder and harder for less and less return.
Stay away from this since it can ruin your self-esteem. Find ways to manage your work within the normal working day at least 90% of the time.
If you have to compete with others, compete on your own terms. Don’t fall into power games or negative behavior that could hurt your self-image.
Dart Pin #2: Other People’s Behavior
Bulldozers, brown nosers, gossipmongers, whiners, backstabbers, snipers, the walking wounded, controllers, naggers, complainers, exploders, patronizers, sluffers … all these negative behaviors in others can damage your self-esteem.
And, they’ll push back your self-development program. But remember, it’s not the person who is the problem: it’s their behavior.
Dart Pin #3: Changing Environment
Changes challenge our paradigms. They test our flexibility, adaptability, and they alter our thought process.
Changes will make life difficult for a while and often cause stress. But when we look back we’ll see that change is often the catalyst or cause of self-development. Decide not to resist it.
Dart Pin #4: Past Experience
It’s okay to cry and say “ouch!” when you experience pain. But don’t let past hurts turn pain into fear.
Dragging the issues of your past relationship into your new one is a road to failure. Don’t expect your partner to be a mirror image of your last partner.
Treat each failure and mistake as a lesson, and move on.
Dart Pin #5: Negative World View
Look at what you’re looking at. Don’t wrap yourself up with all the negativities of the world. In building self-esteem, we must learn how to make the best out of worst situations.
Dart Pin #6: Determination Theory
Your behavior is said to be the result of a mixture. The ingredients include your inherited traits and your upbringing.
Other factors include your environment, such as friends, work situation, and the economy. You can even throw in the climate in your country.
Know that your genetics or upbringing don’t determine your life path. Failures among your family members don’t rub off.
Learn from other people’s experience, so you’ll never have to encounter the same mistakes.
In life, it can be hard to stay true to your code. Especially when things and people around you seem to keep pulling you down.
Yet, building self-esteem will lead to self-development if you become responsible. Be responsible for who you are, what you have, and what you do.
When we develop self-esteem, we take control of our mission, values, and discipline. Self- esteem brings about self-improvement, true assessment, and determination.
So how do you start putting up the building blocks of self-esteem? Be positive. Be contented and happy. Be appreciative. Never miss an opportunity to compliment.
A positive way of living will help you build self-esteem and set you on the path to positive self-development.
Let’s talk about forming new habits. There are times in our lives when we want to create new and better habits for ourselves.
This could include getting into the habit of eating healthier. It might be drinking more water. Or it could be moving more and taking the dog for a daily walk. Or it could be work-related, or spiritual, or…
There are so many areas in our lives we can improve and make easier if we create new habits.
Getting into the habit of doing something is often easier said than done. We seem to form bad habits without any effort, but getting into a “good” habit can be a little more challenging.
We’ll break it down into a three-step process. This will make it easy to follow until you’ve internalized the new behavior and made it a true habit. You’ll do it without having to think about it. Like brushing your teeth.
Decide What You Want To Do
The first step is to decide what the new habit is. Be as specific as possible. Be bold. Don’t tell yourself you want to exercise more. Say something like “I will go for a 30-minute walk every single day.” Deciding what your new habit will be and committing to when and how you’re going to do it, is half the battle.
Remind Yourself To Get It Done
The next few days should be smooth sailing. You’re motivated and excited to get this done. Sticking to your new habit isn’t an issue. But a few days in you’ll notice that it’s easy to slip back into old habits.
Say it’s raining and you’re not feeling like going out and walking. Or the hours in your day seem to be getting away from you. This is when it’s important to have a daily reminder. Set an alert on your phone or add the new habit to your daily to-do list for a while.
Make It Part Of Your Routine Until It Becomes A Habit
It takes some time before a new behavior becomes a true habit. Until then, a routine will work to your best advantage.
A routine will help you solidify the habit. This way you won’t have to spend a lot of willpower or rely on daily reminders.
Make that daily walk part of your after-dinner routine. Or switch from grabbing a snack at the vending machine at work at 10:00 in the morning to packing a healthy snack.
You can do this! Decide to create the new habit. Practice the routine until it’s second nature and you’ll be well on your way to forming a new good habit.
Achieving success can help you feel more confident. It’s not the boldest statement. But CHI FOR YOURSELF has a different way of looking at things like success and confidence.
Our idea of success is not realized with new cars, houses, or loads of money.
Today we’ll look at some ways to help you get the confidence you need to realize what you know to be true success:
Be true to yourself
Your values and belief system must be very much in place if you want to achieve a success coupled with serenity.
Don’t let your success come in ways which compromise your genuine self. It’ll be a success built on sand rather than solid ground and may crumble and fall with time.
Trust in your abilities
You may have much to learn before you can succeed in a chosen field or path. Think of all that you’ve achieved so far and challenges you’ve already worked through. Trust that you can do more.
Don’t dismiss what you’ve learned so far in life. You might think it was easy and that anyone could do it, but others may see it as remarkable and see you as an example.
Use your subconscious mind
Repeat positive affirmations and side-step negative thoughts. That builds strength for your subconscious mind.
You can train your subconscious mind to carry out your intentions. That makes a real difference in how you and others see yourself.
Avoid letting negative thoughts creep in and gain control. That will cause you to doubt your true abilities.
Use correct body language
Watch your posture, stance, and your general body language. It can be powerful when dealing with others and expecting a great outcome.
Remember when your mother used to tell you to sit up straight? Good advice! It sends a far different and more positive message than slumping.
Study body language and begin to practice it.
Enter a room with your head held high and walking like you own where you are and how you present yourself. People will take notice in a positive way.
Pay attention to your personal look
Never present yourself as unkempt and looking wrinkled and ungroomed. That image isn’t one that reaps success.
If this is an area of your life where you lack skills, seek the help of others. Develop a style you’re comfortable with. One that fits the image you want to present.
We begin our year with hopes aimed at greater happiness. A new job or relationship. Shedding some pounds.
But, what is happiness?
Usually, it’s connected to what you can get from others and your environment.
CHI FOR YOURSELF asks you to re-think happiness- by making it broader. It’s also about what you can give to others, and how giving gives you a purpose and a connection to your community.
Here are some ways you might put giving into your happiness formula:
By giving, you’re creating connections with those around you. Life stops being just about seeking satisfaction and it takes on a deeper layer of commitment.
Life is no longer all about you. It’s about creating a positive effect on other people’s lives.
CHI FOR YOURSELF sends you only the best energies for the coming year! We hope all your intentions will be or are about to be realized.
But maybe you’re less than optimistic. In the 10 years that CHI FOR YOURSELF has been in existence, we’ve heard one complaint above most any other.
It starts with the questions…
Are you in a job or career you hate? Is it sucking the life out of you?
So many people answer yes to both of these questions. This is no way to achieve any kind of inner peace.
Imagine doing something different than what you currently do. Then imagine what your life would be like if you had a passion for your life’s work. You are much more likely to excel at what you are doing.
This is not to say that everything you do in your passion will be without problems. That’s unrealistic.
There are always going to be challenges and some of them may prove difficult at times. But being equal to those challenges will help you reinforce your passion.
If you do anything long enough, even something you love, you run the risk of burning out. This is why you need to take breaks.
Take a vacation. Join in activities that are not related to your work.
Consider hiring someone you can trust to run your operation, so you free up some of your time. Doing this, you can even choose to create other ventures or passions.
Start a foundation to help others. This can reignite the passion.
If you do get burned out, there’s nothing to stop you from selling your venture and moving on to something better. You can use the money from the sale to start up another passion you’ve been holding on the sidelines.
This doesn’t mean you should give up on something because you have days that are less than exciting. No matter what you do, this is going to happen on occasion. It’s when it happens more often than not that you have to decide if you’re at the end of the road.
Only you can make that decision, but it can help to talk to your spouse and/or friends when you feel like you’re at that point.
If you dread going to work every day you could become apathetic toward your company or business. Staying in that situation is going to make you miserable.
Switching to something you’ve wanted to do will give you a sense of accomplishment. That’s a contributor to inner peace.
Our guest will be psychotherapist and counselor Ira Israel, author of How to Survive Your Childhood Now That You’re an Adult: A Path to Authenticity and Awakening.
Unfortunately, we also don’t always have the best sense of when to stop eating. Especially when we have access to good-tasting foods in immense quantities. 
Overheard: “It’s not that some people have the willpower and some don’t. It’s that some people are ready to change and others are not.”
Overheard: “Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your handbrake on.”
Julie’s the author of “Goddesses for Every Day: Exploring The Wisdom and Power of the Divine Feminine Around the World.” 
Our idea of success is not realized with new cars, houses, or loads of money. 
Dena Saxer is the co-author, along with Mantak Chia, of Emotional Wisdom: Daily Tools For Transforming Anger, Depression, & Fear.
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