conscious choices

Tag Archive for conscious choices

When Grief Becomes More Than “Normal”

September 19, 2018 John Uncategorized No comments

The grief from Hurricane Florence will be felt for a long time to come. Death, destruction, and displacement have affected so many people.

Those in the storm-affected areas now have to deal with that grief in some form or another. This GenuLines post will deal with things we all can do to handle the heaviness known as grief.

First I want to tell you about our next scheduled edition of Chi For Yourself.

Danielle Dulsky will make her second visit to the show. Listen in on the call on Tuesday, Sept. 25th at 4 pm Eastern 1 pm Pacific time at chiforyourself.com

Danielle Dulsky is the author of Holy Wild: A Heathen Bible for the Untamed Woman.

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ARTICLE

Grief touches most everyone at some point in their lives. But, no one grieves in exactly the same way in every case.

And the intensity and duration of grief can vary from one person to the next. This is due to a combination of things.

These include genetics, personality, and previous coping patterns. Add to that any previous history of depression or other mental illness.

It’s also affected by the presence or lack of support networks, and the event leading to the death (ex. sudden, unexpected death vs. expected death). There’s been a lot of debate over when grief becomes something more.

Something that may need medical attention.

But when does grief become something more than “normal?” Clinicians are doing a sort of balancing act.

They want to be careful that they don’t “medicalize” normal grief. But they also want to make sure they don’t exclude those who may be suffering from clinical depression.

This depression could be set off by the recent loss of a loved one. Grief is a process, not an event.

In the early stages of grief (sometimes referred to as “acute” grief), symptoms can pile up.

Think intense sadness, trouble with concentration, and reduced interest in activities and people. There could be crying, sleep issues, changes in appetite, too.

And it would be no surprise to have constant thoughts about the deceased. Now, these are many of the same symptoms as seen in depression. Yet they are considered two distinct entities.

The experience of grief does not necessarily mean that the individual is depressed.

Eventually, grief can become less disabling and intrusive in one’s life. The wounds begin to heal as pleasure is increasingly found in life again.

Furthermore, grief has no set time frame. It can last from weeks to years.

There can still be periods where the acute grief returns for short periods during events. They include the birthday of the deceased, holidays, and other reminders and memories.

But, the acute feelings of grief eventually wane.

Sadly, some people have a very hard time finding pleasure in their lives after the loss of a loved one. Again, the process has no specific length of time.

It varies according to the person and the circumstances. In any case, it’s important to recognize that depression can partner with grief.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is another possibility, especially for violent or unexpected deaths.

To summarize: we experience the process of grief in our own ways. Keep in mind that grief, depression, and PTSD can sometimes work together.

Don’t ignore signs of depression and PTSD. It’s better to seek the opinion of your physician sooner than later.

____________________

It is very important that you consult a physician if, at any point, the grief does not seem to be subsiding. Or if you have any thoughts of self-harm.

Your physician can help determine whether you’re suffering from depression or PTSD.

If so, various forms of treatment can help. These include psychological counseling and/or medications.

JohnK 9-19-2018

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Overheard:

“Those who do not know how to weep with their whole heart don’t know how to laugh either.”

~Golda Meir

Are You Afraid of Success?

September 11, 2018 John Uncategorized No comments

Much is written about the fear of failure. In fact, a GenuLines post from a few weeks ago dealt with that subject.

But did you know many of us have an even stronger fear of success?

This doesn’t get written about as much because it doesn’t seem like it should be a problem.

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ARTICLE

Fear is a lack of knowledge. When people fear doing something, it’s because they don’t know what the outcome of those actions will be.

When people fail, they can often turn to excuses. They’ll think of dozens of reasons why whatever they tried couldn’t work.

The conditions were not right or they didn’t have enough money. Perhaps a main supplier went out of business and that took down their own business.

Whatever the case, blame is easily distributed all around.

But excuses cannot be made for success.

Who can be blamed for doing something right?

Sudden success can bring on a sort of paralysis. And, a fear of what may happen next.

It’s easy to fall back on something that’s comfortable. That can take the wind out of the sails, so to speak, of a possible success.

Part of the problem with fear of success is not having a plan for when it happens.

You can make plans for what you’re going to do when you succeed at various stages. You won’t fear what comes next because you’ll refer to your plan.

Another problem is that you could be trying to do everything yourself. As you see some success, you’re going to be taking on more responsibilities.

These responsibilities may be unfamiliar to you and that can bring back those fears. If you already have others who work for you, see if they would be a good fit for some of these new responsibilities.

If not, hire others or outsource the work. You should try to keep within your comfort zone. But also be willing to break out of it when the time is right.

Fear of success isn’t just a buzzword used by marketers and psychologists. It’s a real fear and it can have a crippling effect on anyone who experiences it.

JohnK 9-11-2018

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Overheard: “If you really look closely, most overnight successes took a long time.”

~Steve Jobs

Childhood Obesity: Its Causes And What We Can Do

September 5, 2018 John Uncategorized No comments

Childhood obesity has become an epidemic in our culture. Many children are so overweight that they almost stop being children.

They can’t play and enjoy their lives the way children usually do.

Of course, childhood obesity causes health issues too. Overweight kids tend to be sick more often.

And they’re at risk of developing long-term health problems. Understanding childhood obesity helps parents make decisions and prevent obesity in their children.

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What Is Childhood Obesity?

Childhood obesity is a health condition. The diagnosis is generally based on a child’s BMI or Body Mass Index.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has obesity guidelines for kids. The CDC defines it as a BMI greater than the 95th percentile for children of the same age and gender.

Your pediatrician records your child’s height and weight. Then the numbers are compared to the average child across the country.

What causes Childhood Obesity?

There are actually many causes of childhood obesity:

Hereditary factors

In some cases, genetics plays a role. A child may inherit a thyroid problem or another hormonal problem.

If parents and other family members are obese, then their children are more likely to be obese as well.

But, other environmental factors that may have a bigger impact on a child’s health. Things like diet and lack of activity.

Poor eating habits and lack of activity

The biggest causes of childhood obesity are poor eating habits and inactivity. Many obese children live on a regular diet of starchy carbohydrates and high-fat foods.

A fast-food diet is a major contributor

Let’s look at the common diet that’s high in sugar, white flour, and fat. These foods cause children to have blood sugar imbalances.

The highs and lows lead to cravings. Cravings then lead to more poor food choices and the cycle can quickly get out of hand.

The problem worsens when parents don’t or are unable to provide healthy options.

Cupboards stocked with junk food are tempting. Kids almost always choose the junk over a healthy snack.

Add inactivity to poor food choices and you have the makings of childhood obesity.

More and more children are left home to fend for themselves after school. When they’re home, they sit on the couch and watch television.

They play video or computer games instead of being active and playing outside. Obesity results when children are consuming way more calories than they burn.

Also, the calories they do consume are empty, not providing them with the nutrients they need.

What are some problems associated with obesity?

Overweight and obese children often face a life of ridicule from their peers. They suffer health challenges most adults cannot imagine.

The result can be a shorter lifespan.

The good news is that childhood obesity can be reversed. Children are incredibly adaptable.

They can learn new habits. But they can’t do it alone. They need support. They need adults who can help them make responsible and healthy decisions.

That’s where their parents or guardians are so important in helping them.

JohnK 9-5-2018

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Overheard: “It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.”

Mahatma Gandhi

Stress Relievers – Tips For Dealing With Everyday Stress

August 30, 2018 John Uncategorized No comments

Everyday stress can take its toll. It can become chronic, And it’s important to deal with it in a healthy way.

Below are some tips for relieving everyday stress:

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Prayer, guided meditation, and imagery –

Experts say that 10 to 20 minutes of prayer or meditation each day can help reduce stress. Guided imagery also may be helpful, and can be included with prayer or meditation.

You can find websites with stress-relieving images. And there are other sources for guided imagery online and at your library.

Or you could see a professional who can guide you through the imagery or meditation.

Take an art class –

Art therapy has been shown to help with stress relief. Being able to channel the internal emotions into an art medium can be very therapeutic.

Go easy on yourself –

Don’t engage in self-criticism. Repeat your mantra; say your prayers, meditate. or whatever you need to do to silence the “you’re not good enough” voice.

Learn to take a timeout –

When you’re stressed, you may be more prone to angry outbursts. Learn to take a moment for a timeout before responding to something that angered you.

Be unavailable –

Sometimes it can be very stressful to feel like you always have to be there for others. At some point, it’s important to turn off your telephone(s) and close your email.

Just be there for yourself. You can even choose a regular time to do this.

Tell your friends and family in advance. This way they’ll understand why you’re not answering your phone or email.

Breathe deeply –

By themselves, meditation and slow, deep breathing may help to relieve stress. Deep breathing also may help remove toxins and relax muscles.

It’s also said to calm the mind.

Don’t set the stage –

Without meaning to, you might be setting the stage for everyday stresses. For example, if you don’t maintain your car, it may break down at the worst time.

Not taking care of your nutritional needs or your health can make trouble, too. Getting sick can really add to stress, especially trying to make up for the time lost after you get better.

Keep a healthy perspective –

Sometimes everything seems important and must be done right now. This is a recipe for overwhelm.

Try to keep a healthy perspective on things.

Remind yourself that a situation, decision, or “moment” may not really matter ten years from now.

JohnK 8-30-2018

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Overheard: “Adopting the right attitude can convert a negative stress into a positive one.”

~Hans Selye

You Can Live Within Your Means

August 21, 2018 John Uncategorized No comments

Living within your means is not as difficult as most of us make it out to be. It takes some discipline but it can be well worth the effort.

At the very least, you’ll be able to sleep at night knowing you aren’t burdened with a heavy debt load. If credit card debt is your weak point, take the scissors to those cards.

In fact, cut them up and cancel the accounts. This is the surest way to make sure you don’t get yourself into trouble by spending more than you make.

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Don’t try to keep up with the Joneses. You know this tendency.

Your neighbor always seems to drive a new car. And, always buying the latest and greatest gadgets. That doesn’t mean you have to follow along.

What you might now not realize is that your neighbors aren’t living within their means. They could run into trouble if they have the wrong money mindset.

The interest on credit cards can be wicked. If you’re saddled with debt you could considering consolidating it.

This will give you one lower payment.

But don’t use credit excessively after you’ve refinanced. Otherwise, you’ll make the situation worse.

If you can’t get a consolidation loan, consider hitting up your family for a loan. This is not ideal since it can cause tension in the family.

But, it’s better than having huge interest charges added to your balance each month.

Show your family members an honest effort to pay them back. And do your best to pay them back quickly.

Living expenses don’t let up. For instance, when appliances break down you’ll have to replace them.

So you should always set aside some money each month as an emergency fund. Try to accumulate six months worth of cash for this.

For high ticket items that aren’t needed right away, consider using layaway plans. Retailers are bringing back this feature.

They know that some of us are overextended with consumer debt.

Look for quality when you’re shopping for necessary items. Look for the highest quality you can afford.

Over time quality usually outdoes low price and that can help keep you within your means.

JohnK 8-21-2018

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Overheard: “There is no dignity quite so impressive, and no one independence quite so important, as living within your means.”

~Calvin Coolidge

Are You Afraid of Failure?

August 16, 2018 John Uncategorized No comments

It’s possible to be so afraid of failure that you’ll do everything imaginable to avoid it. You avoid taking chances because if things don’t work out you’ll look like a failure.

What’s worse, you constantly see successful people portrayed in the media. You think they must be either geniuses or naturals at what they do.

But if you look a little closer at these people’s lives you see a different picture. Their success often came after failures- sometimes lots of them.

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Failure is a great tool for figuring out what not to do the next time around. If something you tried didn’t work it’s no reason to give up on your project.

Use the experience as a road-map to reevaluate what went wrong and to adjust to try and make it work.

Sometimes, you may need some help since you won’t know why what you tried was a failure. In this case, it may be worth it to find a mentor who can look at what you’re doing and help you to get back on track.

This may cost you some money upfront. But good mentors are really worth it if they can produce results for you.

You might be prone to do things all by yourself. But influential people can be a big help.

Start with a search of biographies of famous people and what it took them to get where they are.

You can read about their accomplishments. And you’ll get a good idea of how they handled their setbacks.

Speaking of setbacks, those have a side benefit. They show others your tenacity.

With your continuing trouble-shooting and good attitude you’re primed for success.

Setbacks are a fact of life. Sometimes alternative measures are in order. Like a side job, for instance.

Focus on what works and scrap what doesn’t. You’ll keep heading in the right direction and you’ll learn new and important things, too.

If you use failure as a learning tool you’ll never stop learning. You’ll see improvement in most off of your life’s efforts.

It’s a simple formula. 1) Read about successful people. 2) Pay attention to what they do to succeed. 3) Put the same habits into your life.

It’s really a case of success begets success.

JohnK 8-16-2018

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Overheard: “Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor.”

~Truman Capote

5 Ways to Slow Down the Aging of Your Brain

August 8, 2018 John Uncategorized No comments

You’ve heard a lot about how brain function declines as you age. But science is finding that aging doesn’t have to dull your ability to think for yourself.

In fact, studies are showing that you can get smarter in your later years!

Chi For Yourself is big on the mind/body connection. And the following article offers some gentle reminders to help you keep that connection intact.

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ARTICLE:

Your brain is central to your thoughts and memories. Same goes for your behavior, judgment, reasoning, mood, and so much more.

So it’s critical that you do all that you can to slow down its aging process.

Here’s a look at some ways to help you do that.:

1. Don’t smoke –

There are so many reasons not to smoke. Another one to add to the list is the negative effects it has on your brain.

Smoking increases the development of atherosclerosis. That’s a big word for plaque buildup in your blood vessels, including those in your brain.

This plaque buildup then reduces the amount of oxygen getting to your brain cells.

2. Exercise your brain –

As an adult, you’ve learned how to create routines and methods of remembering things. But, you can get stuck in a rut of using your mind in the same way that requires little effort.

Your brain is made of many different neural pathways. and when you don’t change things a bit, your brain isn’t given the opportunity to exercise itself.

Your brain is amazing in that it can create new neural pathways, and adapt as you stimulate it. Stimulation of the adult brain builds and strengthens these pathways.

Ways to do this include learning new things.

For example, you want to build a website but you don’t know how. As you learn to do this you challenge your brain.

If you’re into music you can learn a new song. If music doesn’t do it for you think about learning a new language.

Most anything that will stretch your mind is a great way to exercise it. You can even take a different route home from work.

This will force you to use your mind as you plan which street to take next.

3. Eat a healthy diet –

Limit saturated fats and trans fats in your diet. Also be sure to cut down and limit your consumption of sugar.

Consuming quality calories can help keep your weight in check.

Studies show that cutting calories can slow your brain’s aging over the years.

Be sure to eat a variety of fruits and vegetables of all colors.

They’re full of antioxidants that fight free radical damage. Free radicals are responsible for cell aging.

Vitamins like B6 and B12, along with folic acid, are real standouts. They go a long way toward stalling age-related brain disease.

4. Exercise your body –

When you exercise, you increase blood flow throughout your body and your brain.

Try exercises that test coordination and concentration. Things like martial arts, aerobics or dance classes.

5. Visit your doctor and optometrist –

High blood pressure can affect brain health. It’s a condition that can lead to mini strokes and cognitive decline.

Both your doctor and optometrist can detect the potential for problems early on.

JohnK 8-8-2018
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Overheard: I consider that a man’s brain originally is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose.
~Arthur Conan Doyle

Stop Letting Stress Impact Your Life

August 2, 2018 John Uncategorized No comments

Stress is a normal part of everyday life. Some level of stress is even healthy.

It can help you stay alert and function at your best. But you may have a tough time managing your stress.

Some stress disorders are hereditary. They can be due to imbalances of the chemicals used in mind/body communication.

The mind and body can disagree on what makes up a threat. This can be stressful, too.

Maybe you’ve survived an accident, combat, or something on the same level. You could have a hard time adapting to life outside of high-stress levels.

Whether it’s from personal concern or diagnosed disorder, stress shouldn’t control your life. But if it does there are actions you can take.

These tips can help supplement advice from a medical professional. Note that they’re not intended to be a substitute for professional help.

Talk To A Friend

A friend can help you remember that stress is not unusual or that it only affects you.

A study by the National Alliance on Mental Health looked at severe stress. Things like anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder.

It found that more than 18 percent of American adults were affected. That’s close to one in five people.

Knowing the statistics may ease your mind about talking to a healthcare provider. And it may also help you to feel more comfortable talking to a friend or community member.

Casual talk might yield some advice on how to deal with stress. It can also give you an idea of how serious your condition might be- or not be.

Focus On Life Before Your Stress Problem

Stress can come on in a gradual way due to life changes. Or it can be sudden due to an incident or experience. Either way, you shouldn’t let it stop you from doing things you enjoy.

It’s natural for stress to make new things seem scary. But they can also have this effect on activities you’ve had in the past.

For example, the onset of stress may cause you to stay away from old friends. Or, a car accident may cause you to avoid driving, riding in, or even being around cars.

Remind yourself that outings and activities served you well in the past. Seeing them now in a different light doesn’t change the nature of the activity.

Ease Into Stressful Activities

Doctors often suggest that you ease yourself back into your routine.

Let’s look at the car accident case.

Getting behind the wheel too early could be dangerous for you and for others. And it could reinforce your problem rather than help it.

Instead, try a rideshare company or taxis. You might want to ride with friends and family for a while before getting behind the wheel again.

At first, it may even be helpful to read a book in the car instead of paying attention to traffic.

JohnK 8-2-2018

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Overheard: “The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.”

~William James

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Find Meaning In Your Life And Boost Your Happiness

July 26, 2018 John Uncategorized No comments

“Do what makes you happy.”

You’ve heard it a million times. If you’re unsatisfied with your job or any other professional situation it can get on your nerves.

Today the pursuit of happiness is deeply ingrained in us. We’re taught to expect a happy life and we’re encouraged to do whatever it takes to get it.

But, like everything else in life, happiness isn’t so simple.

What is happiness?

First of all, we tend to see happiness as what we can get from others and our environment. In other words, we’re happy when our material and emotional needs are fulfilled.

Take Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. This is a generalized ranking of people’s needs as they apply to happiness.

It starts with basic biological needs like food and shelter. Then it moves up to things like self-development and creativity.

Sounds good, but it’s possible to give attention to some of those needs at the expense of others.

For example, say you have a job that covers your basic needs for food, shelter, and security. It could be getting in the way of your need for creativity, flexibility, and freedom.

On top of that, we tend to think of happiness as static, as something you either have or don’t. But this isn’t the case. Instead, happiness is fluid and fleeting.

So, is the pursuit of happiness an illusion?

No. Instead, to find that happiness, you first want to redefine it.

Do that by making it broader. It’s not only about the nice feeling you get when your needs are met.

Or when you receive something pleasant from someone else. It’s also about what you can give to others, and how that gives you a purpose and a connection to your community.

Psychiatrist Viktor Frankl tells us that giving helps you to reaffirm your very humanity. It makes you forget yourself, and give yourself to the person in front of you.

And you don’t have to change your routine to switch the focus from your own thoughts and needs to someone else’s.

There are a few simple things you can do to start giving more:

Listen

See every conversation as a chance to connect with a person. So, instead of just waiting for your turn to speak, pay attention to every word the other person is saying.

Notice the tone of their voice and their body language. And don’t forget to ask questions.

Build things for others

Can you knit, make origami figures, or draw? Make something and give it away. Never expect anything in return.

Volunteer

Take five minutes to think of what’s important for you. What are your values?

Is there a cause you’d like to champion? Do you have time or skills to give away to that cause?

Be kind

Make it a purpose to be kind to others every single day. Believe it or not, little acts of kindness have a contagious effect.

Compliment someone. Notice if she did something with her hair.

Help him with his groceries. Offer to do some extra work to help out a colleague.

Become a mentor

We all started somewhere. We’ve all been lost, confused, and tired.

But you have answers and insights that can help someone who’s starting their journey.

By giving, you’re creating connections with those around you. Life stops being all about seeking satisfaction.

It takes on a deeper layer of commitment. Life is no longer all about you.

It’s about creating a positive effect on other people’s lives.

Take action that transcends your own search for satisfaction. You’ll find more meaning in life.

You’ll become part of a community. You’ll assert your humanity.

And, you’ll be happier and more fulfilled.

JohnK 7-26-2018

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Overheard: “Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be.” ~Abraham Lincoln

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Pain: A Different Perspective on Dealing With It

July 25, 2018 John Uncategorized No comments

Our next scheduled guest on Chi For Yourself has lived with chronic pain since 2007.

Sarah Anne Schockley offers fellow pain sufferers a compassionate and supportive guide for living with pain that can be used alongside their ongoing medical or therapeutic healing programs.

Sarah Anne Shockley is the author of The Pain Companion: Everyday Wisdom for Living With and Moving Beyond Chronic Pain.

Be with us for Chi For Yourself on Thursday, July 26th at 4 pm Eastern, 1 pm Pacific time at chiforyourself.com

JohnK 7-25-2019

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