emotions

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Why Regret Is a Useless Emotion And What To Do Instead

December 4, 2023 John Uncategorized No comments

Regret is a load of baggage that you lug through life. And it doesn’t get any lighter as the years go by.

Let’s lighten things up a bit with this GenuLines look at some alternatives.

Why Regret Is a Useless Emotion And What To Do Instead

So you’re feeling sad, sorry or disappointed over something that you did or did not do. This is the textbook definition of regret.

And regret can cause terrible feelings of guilt, sadness, and even depression.

In its extreme, anxiety can soon turn into anger or resentment. You can be so unhappy with your lot in life that you begin to take that anger out on others.

Although regret is a common emotion, it’s pointless. You can’t go back in time and change past decisions.

When you live in your regret, you’re wishing for a new outcome from an old script. This a functioning level of insanity, but insanity nonetheless.

And it can cause emotional and sometimes physical distress.

Regret can also play a major role in impacting happiness. If you feel regret you may be hard on yourself; almost to the point of severe self-pity.

A big problem here is that you cloud your ability to trust in yourself.

You’ll continue to defer to the past as opposed to looking toward the future. Basking in regret will leave you blind to the good in front of you.

Although it seems easy to wallow in regret, it’s self-harming.

How to Combat Regret

Acceptance is the key to overcoming your regret. Trying to change the past is impossible and only results in frustration.

So it’s important to make peace with your previous decisions and move forward. Take responsibility for your actions and learn how to make better choices in the future.

Making the best of your bad choices shows maturity and positive thinking. Once you make a decision it’s done.

Instead of worrying about the past, why not find something positive in your present. This involves asking yourself some questions:

What can I do to make this situation better?

How can I adjust my attitude to see the positive?

What can I currently change?

These questions can help you analyze your current situation and look for the best. This will turn your negative disposition toward the positive.

Being able to overcome feelings of regret can make you a stronger person. You’re embracing positivity as opposed to living in the past.

One way to turn your regrets into an opportunity is to think about any good that’s resulted. Have you grown as a person?

Have you learned a valuable lesson?

These questions will help you to further see the good in your past. Yes, regret can be frustrating and painful.

But you have the power to keep it from controlling you.

JohnK 12-4-2023

chiforyourself.com

Overheard: “Never regret anything you have done with a sincere affection; nothing is lost that is born of the heart”

Basil Rathbone

Article image by @felipepelaquim on Unsplash

7 Ways to Use Mindfulness to Attack Worry

February 13, 2023 John Uncategorized No comments

Dealing with worry can lead you to all types of coping strategies, including substances. This can spiral out of hand in a big hurry.

There’s another way of dealing, and GenuLines has a list of pointers for your consideration

7 Ways To Use Mindfulness To Attack Worry

You freeze when it happens. You don’t know what to do or how to move forward.

Your thoughts circle like vultures, waiting for your inevitable demise.

It’s only a matter of time. Worry has a way of derailing everything in your day.

Using mindfulness, though, is a quick, easy way to get things back on track.

Stay in the Moment

Take a step back to examine the worrying thought. Start with the acceptance of the thought itself.

This is the heart of mindfulness.

Trying to ignore the worry only makes it worse. By giving the thought your attention, and then placing a label on it, you take power away from it.

For example, let’s say you have money worries. You might start by telling yourself, “Yes, I am worried about paying the bills this month.”

Find the Emotions

Once you’ve labeled your worries, identify the emotion accompanying it. Once you’ve got this, be honest with yourself.

What do these emotions make you feel like doing?

Kill the Worry with Normalcy

Instead of avoiding the worry, pay mindful attention to it. Remind yourself that this worry is normal.

Do this every time it comes up. In time it’ll seem less threatening.

Look for Patterns

Do these worries creep up at certain times? Using mindfulness means you’re paying attention to your thoughts in the moment.

Understanding what sets you off is a great way to keep the worrying thought from happening at all. You’ll find yourself catching those damaging thoughts much faster.

And you’ll be able to shut them down that much faster.

Redirect

With mindfulness, you’re very much aware of the worries the moment they begin. You’re capable of taking control of them.

And you can switch them something else immediately, putting your attention there instead.

Allow the Emotion to Play Out

Worry comes with a slew of negative emotions. Mindfulness means you’re aware of what you’re feeling right now.

If you find yourself falling into the fears and anxiety coupled with worry, let them play out. Imagine watching them from a distance, rather than suppressing them.

This will let them dissipate in a natural way rather than escalate.

Flip it Around

Worried about trying something new? Rather than avoid it, try it anyway.

Handle the worries you know are irrational with action. More often than not, you’ll find you had nothing to worry about in the first place.

But keep this in mind. Sometimes worry is there for a good reason. Be careful which worries you challenge.

Remember, the whole point of mindfulness. You want to be in the moment and pay very close attention to what’s going on both inside and out.

Worry doesn’t bear up under such close scrutiny. If all you do is pay attention you’ll change the game in a big way. .

JohnK 2-13-2023

chiforyourself.com

Overheard: “You probably wouldn’t worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do.”

~ Olin Miller

Choose Your Reaction to What Life Sends Your Way

August 10, 2020 John Uncategorized No comments

Life has a way of knocking you to your knees. And tough times just seem to keep the bad stuff coming.

But GenuLines wants you to remember that a thought-out response can protect you from action you’ll regret.

Choose Your Reaction to What Life Sends Your Way

Whether life slams you or only throws you a curve you might tend to react without thinking. But making rational thought your first reaction puts you in control.

Knee-jerk reactions rarely work to your advantage.

Here’s an example. A customer says your product is horrible and wants a refund.

You’re on the defensive but your calm response takes away the person’s power.

Now your life isn’t dictated by things happening around you. You control your emotions.

Taking the “reins” in this way keeps your emotions under control. And making this a habit can contribute to a happier and more satisfying life.

Reactions that aren’t thought out tend to be irrational. And this can get you into a lot of trouble.

Highway tailgaters might seem like your enemy. You get upset and you try to get away from them.

Or, you try to get back at them.

This can cause a crash or an altercation Think about simple solutions to solving the problem at hand.

There are times when an immediate reaction is appropriate, such as the loss of someone close to you. You’re not going to make a situation like that positive.

For the emotions that follow, such as grief, choose how you’ll handle having these feelings.

Talk things out with a grief counselor. Don’t put it on the back burner.

It’s important to recognize situations in which instant reactions are acceptable. Don’t confuse them with situations that call for well thought out, controlled responses.

JohnK 8-10-2020

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Overheard: “In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on”

~Robert Frost

Appreciate the Small Things And Find Contentment

July 16, 2019 John Uncategorized No comments

You’re intent on finding happiness, but what about contentment? You hear about appreciating the small stuff and feeling happy.

Today GenuLines asks you to turn your aim from happiness to contentment.

Appreciate the Small Things And Find Contentment

Most emotions are transitional, meaning you’re never in one state for long periods. People labeled upbeat actually do have moments of sadness or depression.

And even depressed people may not feel depressed all the time.

Think about a major event such as a war. When two countries are fighting, both sides lose lives.

It’s bloody, and it can last for several years. But, when the war is over, the countries are euphoric.

There will be no more bloodshed because of the war, and people can return to their lives.

But nothing that has changed in the world except that the war has ended. In other words, the sun still sets each day.

People still have to manage their lives.

The euphoria from the war ending doesn’t last long. Months later, the war is still over, but the euphoria has died down.

The same is true in a smaller way when you’re ill. For instance, suppose you have a stomach bug that leaves you uncomfortable and in pain.

When the bug passes you feel wonderful.

Yet, you don’t feel any better than you did when you weren’t experiencing the bug. It’s relative to the bad feelings.

That’s how emotional states work. They go from one to the other on a constant basis.

Appreciating the small things in life may lead to happiness. But, it’s likely you’re content more than you are happy.

Contentment can feel like a neutral state, leaning on the side of happy. There isn’t anything wrong when you’re content.

But, there’s also nothing ratcheting up your happiness.

Consider contentment before happiness

Striving for happiness can be stressful. The antidote? Gratitude. You’ll feel content without having to always push toward happiness.

Time spent in contentment means you’re doing something right.

Think about the people you love. And think about all you have, such as your health and a good job.

Imagine life without them and you’ll really appreciate contentment. That thought may even make you happy, if only for a short time.

JohnK 7-16-2019

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Overheard: “A harvest of peace is produced from a seed of contentment”

~Proverb

Mass Shootings, Boys, and Feeling The Feelings

February 16, 2018 John Uncategorized No comments

It’s been a tough week in the U.S. with another school shooting capturing the country’s attention. CHI FOR YOURSELF usually doesn’t discuss these types of events. Certainly not from a political perspective or one that whips the populace into a frenzy.

But it’s worth noting that these shootings tend to have one thing in common. They’re committed by males. Young males. The nation asks “why?”

Today we look back to a 2013 CHI FOR YOURSELF episode with guest Cynthia Gill. She told us about ways in which boys are educated, conditioned, and often left with feelings of hopelessness.

Cynthia Gill is the author of Jump-Starting Boys: Help Your Reluctant Learner Find Success in School and Life. Hear the show by clicking on below–

(Article)

Down But Not Out: Feel the Feelings and Keep Going

The other day I was reminded of the waves of emotions that can roll through our lives unannounced. These can range from down days to the darker depression-like moods.

I dealt with those heavy feelings earlier in my life. I referred to those as “situational” since there were some troubling issues that had to be faced.

When I ran a search on the definition of emotions I found: A natural instinctive state of mind deriving from one’s circumstances, mood, or relationships with others.

Definition 2 read: Any of the particular feelings that characterize such a state of mind, such as joy, anger, love, hate, horror, etc. The key word in the first example is ‘natural’.

Your first reaction might be to turn your feelings away. You might push the feelings down, put them on hold until later, or use distractions to get your mind off of things.

You can deny them or indulge in them (often called wallowing). And there’s a cliche to match every situation- ‘I don’t have time to think about that now’, ‘It’s always something’, or ‘I’ll take care of it later.’

But what you’re feeling is neither positive nor negative. It’s all part of being human.

If your choice is not to experience intense feelings they could become embedded in your physical body. When they set up shop deep inside you they can have an effect on the way you look at the world.

The worst case scenario is that they can be so troubling as to cause illness. This is a good time to monitor your thinking, too.

One of the greatest figures in the Human Development field is Louise Hay. She put it this way, “The thoughts we choose to think are the tools we use to paint the canvas of our lives.”

You may have a more demanding schedule, so how about a date- with yourself? Pick a safe, secure, and comfortable place along with a time when you can be alone.

Start by remembering the circumstances that touched off the emotions you’ve been putting off. When you’ve stirred up the emotions let yourself FEEL them. Don’t block them.

Cry if you feel like it. Let any thoughts that come up come through.

And be gentle with yourself. This is not a good place to judge what’s happening.

Recognizing your emotions instead of pushing them away helps you to stay emotionally healthy and goes a long way toward truly conscious living.

JohnK 2-16-2018

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Overheard: Thoughts are the shadows of our feelings – always darker, emptier and simpler.”

~ Friedrich Nietzsche

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Down But Not Out: Feel the Feelings and Keep Going

August 19, 2013 John Uncategorized No comments

Before we get to this week’s article I want to remind you of this week’s Chi For Yourself guest…

Boys are quickly falling behind girls in school, starting as early as the second grade. Academic research gathered in May 2012 revealed that student populations in U.S. colleges today are only 40% male, due in large part to poor grades earned throughout middle and high school (featured on GreatSchools.org). We will be talking to Cynthia Gill. She’s the co-author of Jump-Starting Boys: Help Your Reluctant Learner Find Success in School and Life.

Cynthia Gill

Cynthia joins us on Thursday, August 22nd at 1pm Pacific Time. Again we plan to stream the interview via Google + Hangouts. You’ll see the screen on Thursday on the “Start” page of chiforyourself.com.

(Article)

Down But Not Out: Feel the Feelings and Keep Going

During a recent period of feeling kind of “blue” I was reminded of the waves of emotions that can roll through our lives un-anounced. These can range from the down days just mentioned to the darker depression-like moods. I dealt with those heavy feelings earlier in my life. I referred to those as “situational” since there were some troubling issues that had to be faced. When I ran a search on the definition of emotions I found : A natural instinctive state of mind deriving from one’s circumstances, mood, or relationships with others. Definition 2 read: Any of the particular feelings that characterize such a state of mind, such as joy, anger, love, hate, horror, etc. The key word in the first example is ‘natural’.

Your first reaction might be to turn your feelings away. You might push the feelings down, put them on hold until later, or use distractions to get your mind off of things. You can deny them or indulge in them (often called wallowing). And there’s a cliche to match every situation- ‘I don’t have time to think about that now’, ‘It’s always something’, or ‘I’ll take care of it later.’ But what you’re feeling is neither positive nor negative. It’s all part of being human.
If your choice is not to experience intense feelings they could become embedded in your physical body. When they set up shop deep inside you they can have an effect on the way you look at the world. The worst case scenario is that they can be so troubling as to cause illness. This is a good time to monitor your thinking, too. One of my very favorite figures in the Human Development field is Louise Hay. She puts it this way, “The thoughts we choose to think are the tools we use to paint the canvas of our lives.”

You can bring out the feelings, front and center, to experience them in a safe and enriching way. When I feel the need to do this I pretty much drop whatever was planned for the day, if possible, and get to the feeling place. You may have a more demanding schedule, so how about a date- with yourself? Pick a safe, secure, and comfortable place along with a time when you can be alone. Start by remembering the circumstances that touched off the emotions you’ve been putting off. When you’ve stirred up the emotions let yourself FEEL them. Don’t block them. Cry if you feel like it. Let any thoughts that come up come through. And be gentle with yourself. This is not a good place to judge what’s happening.
Recognizing your emotions instead of pushing them away helps you stay emotionally healthy and goes a long way toward truly conscious living.

JohnK 8-19-2013

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