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Boost Your Confidence by Making Better Decisions

April 2, 2018 John Uncategorized No comments

You’re starting another week. Another week of decisions you’ll need to make. But somehow those decisions don’t get made.

It’s one of the more frustrating situations you (and those around you) can face. You can’t seem to make a decision and stick to it.

There can be many reasons why you lack the confidence to make decisions in your life.

As a child your parents may have made all your decisions for you. And you weren’t supposed to question them..

Or it could be that you don’t like the pressure decision making puts on you. You question whether you’re making the right decision. And you’re fearful about how your decision will affect others.

You may feel very anxious at the thought of having to make a decision.

Here are a few ways to recognize if you’re someone who lacks the confidence to make decisions:

You would rather have someone else make the decision for you –

Passing the decision-making process to another could show a lack of confidence.

You never make a decision –

Other people may be relying on you for a decision, but you let weeks or months slide by without deciding.

When you do make a decision, you second-guess yourself –

This is another demonstration of lack of confidence in your abilities.

Regardless of what led to an inability to trust yourself you can become better if you work at it.

Here are some ideas for improving your confidence and making good decisions.

Make an “unofficial” decision –

This is a decision that’s not yet set in stone. Make a decision, and live with that decision for a day.

For example, you’ve decided to upgrade to a bigger house, and you have the money saved up. You find a house that you really like that fits all the criteria you want in a bigger house.

It has a big yard, a deck, and an attached garage. But, you have trouble making decisions.

You may find that you try to talk yourself out of it. You begin to worry how you’ll afford it, the increased heating and cooling costs, and so forth.

This is where it can help to make an “unofficial” decision. You have to decide that you will or will not move.

Pick one, and live with that decision for a day. Convince yourself that the decision is a real one.

Then see how your decision makes you feel. This can be a good way to test decisions before making them official.

Knowing that you can still change your mind, if it doesn’t feel right, can be comforting.

Recognize decisions that are reversible –

For example, you’re having a tough time choosing a color of house paint. Start by picking some swatches. Then make a decision rather than fretting over the perfect color.

If you start painting and don’t like the color you can just reverse course and choose another color.

Ask yourself: what is the worst that can happen? –

Not all decisions are life altering. If you begin by making small decisions (like choosing which movie to go to) your confidence can grow as time goes on. You’ll be better positioned to make bigger decisions as time passes.

Write down the pros and cons of each decision you are considering –

It might help if you put your ideas on paper. List what you like and don’t like about them.

Seeing rather than only thinking about the options can make it easier to come to a decision.

JohnK 4-2-2018

chiforyourself.com home page

Overheard: “To change a habit, make a conscious decision, then act out the new behavior.”

~Maxwell Maltz

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Put The Brakes on Complaining

March 26, 2018 John Uncategorized No comments

Another Monday morning, and it’s a great time for complaining. Gotta wake up so early. Traffic is always a mess. This job is the worst.

You may not have a lot of options for improving your situation right now. But, you can change how you look at it

This is especially true if you’re a complainer. Let’s look at some ways to ratchet down the tendency to complain.

____________________

How To Avoid Complaining

Remember the phrase from the poem Solitude, by Ella Wheeler Wilcox? The line is, “Laugh, and the world laughs with you; weep and you weep alone”.

The same can be said for complaining. If you’re a chronic complainer, you may want to rethink that tendency.

One problem with complaining is that too much of it becomes less effective over time. Are you really unhappy with every situation you’re presented with?

It could be a sign that you have other negative situations going on in your life. You need to choose your battles, as they say.

Let’s say you have several situations that make you unhappy. Pick the one you most want to focus on for improvement.

It will be easier to get your point across if you limit the frequency of your complaints.

There’s a right time to complain. But it should be done in the context of offering up alternatives.

Be part of the solution and not part of the problem. If you only offer a complaint, how is that helping solve the problem?

Offering solutions will show your willingness to have a stake in solving the problem.

A good approach is to come up with more than one solution whenever possible. This will help get more people to see your side of the story.

If you’re someone who complains a lot, take a step back. Think about others who are chronic complainers as well.

How did you react to their constant stream of complaints? Did you think to yourself that the person should try to help solve the problem?

If you answered yes to this last question, this is how others are thinking when you complain.

Complainers often feel like no one’s listening to them, usually with good reason. And the increased frustration could lead to their alienation from the group.

This is not a good situation. Management could be more likely to let the complainers go. Or the complainers might take it upon themselves to leave.

Complaining is considered negative thinking, but it’s a changeable habit.

Begin that change by shifting from negative to positive thoughts.

Your peers will likely find fewer faults with you. And they won’t go out of their way to avoid you if you maintain a positive attitude.

If you find that you complain a lot and people are avoiding you it may be time for some changes.

JohnK 3-26-2018

chiforyourself.com home

Overheard: “When you change the way you look at things, the things

you look at change.”

~ Max Planck

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Wallowing Over Google Gremlins :-( And a Link to The Tina Gilbertson Interview

September 12, 2014 John Uncategorized No comments

Apologies for problems on the Google Hangouts page that muted the audio for the Tina Gilbertson interview! Tina is the author of Constructive Wallowing: How to Beat Bad Feelings by Letting Yourself Have Them. Tina turned conventional wisdom around with her explanation of how “constructive wallowing” can help in dealing with feelings. A list of talking points follows, and you can hear the interview by clicking on the BlogTalkRadio logo.

CHI FOR YOURSELF guest: Tina Gilbertson talking points:

Isn’t wallowing an oxymoron?
Having a good cry might not be enough
Self-criticism is not healing
Anger, temper, and wallowing
The T.R.U.T.H. Technique
Hatred, and working through it
Self-compassion toward yourself
Trying to replace a feeling with a thought
The benefits of constructive wallowing
Forgiveness- the policy and the emotion
The wallowing end-point

You can hear the CHI FOR YOURSELF interview with Tina Gilbertson by clicking on the BlogTalkRadio logo:

JohnK 9-12-2014

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Today: Wallowing is Good For You!

September 11, 2014 John Uncategorized No comments

Today’s guest on Chi For Yourself is Tina Gilbertson. She says pushing bad feelings away never works, and she’ll offer us a practical approach to the more liberating alternative of allowing yourself to feel them. Chi For Yourself – at 4pm Eastern, 1pm Pacific time. Hear the interview at chiforyourself.com