Your focus needs to be laser-like. But for some reason it tends to wander. These few reminders from GenuLineswill help keep you on the beam.
Trouble Staying Focused? This Might Help
We all have days when we’re struggling to stay focused on our work. One of the first things you should look at is distractions.
Various things and people can keep us from concentrating and getting work done. Let’s look at what shape and form these distractions may take and what you can do to lose them.
Then we’ll look at how you can get back to staying focused.
Physical Distractions
First the obvious. There can be all sorts of things that distract you in your office, or around your desk. This could be your phone blinking each time you get a new social media alert or email.
It could be your email program on your laptop notifying you of incoming messages. It could be your phone ringing, or that pile of files sitting on the corner of your desk that you know you need to deal with.
If you’re working at home it could also be that sink full of dirty dishes. Or the washing machine beeping to let you know it’s finished.
The key here is to realize that you’re in control of your work space. Turn your phone to silent and stick it in a drawer, or lay it upside down while you’re working.
Turn off the phone’s ringer, and either deal with the files now, or stick them in a drawer until you can take a look at them. Cut out the physical distractions as much as possible.
Then work on staying focused and getting your work done. The key here is also to make a conscious choice of when to deal with things that tend to interrupt you.
Distracting People
People who show up and distract you can be a little harder to deal with. You need to work with others.
You want to cultivate friendships. And there are times when you have to deal with a family situation, no matter how big a work deadline you have looming.
Setting expectations helps. So does making it clear that there are times when you need to shut your office door.
If you can set aside a time and make a schedule of sorts. Let people know when you must work without interruption.
At other times having an open door can help. This works well with co-workers, but also with family and friends.
Mental Distractions
Last but not least there are mental distractions. They can be the trickiest to keep at bay since there’s not a lot you can do to shut them out completely.
Thoughts will pop into your head and do their best to distract you. It helps to keep a notepad nearby.
You can jot those thoughts down. Later you can go back and check on things after you’re done with your task.
For example, if you’re worried if your check cleared, make a note.
Then get back to work.
Check your online bank account during your break.
By writing it down, you don’t have to worry about remembering to do it.
You think of yourself in a certain way. Yet that way may not be who you really are.
Puzzling as it can be, GenuLines points the way to more understanding.
You Might Not Be Who You Think You Are
The famous psychologist, William James, once said, “You’re not what you think you are, but what you think, you are!” This quote is a bit of a riddle.
But at its core, there’s a profound message: you’re in control of your destiny.
We know that it’s not always as easy as it sounds. This is why this post is all about self-exploration.
Let’s find out if you know exactly who you are. It may take you by surprise to realize that you might not be who you think you are.
Interested in finding out more? Then, let’s dive in!
The All-Powerful Mind
The mind is one of the most powerful tools you have in your arsenal. It can impact our moods, health, and pretty much our view of life.
Your mind is so powerful that it can make you ill, even when there’s actually nothing wrong with you.
Let’s say you’re stressed out about a job interview or an upcoming exam. Within a matter of days, all that anxiety will manifest itself in disease.
You may start experiencing digestive problems. Your blood pressure will start to rise.
Some people even start suffering from nausea, heart palpitations, and sweaty palms.
According to William James, if you create a mental picture of yourself—good or bad—you’ll begin to embody it. That’s how powerful your thoughts can be!
Your Self-Schema
Your schema is the collection of cognitive beliefs and generalizations of ourselves. We gather these from the experiences we go through and the messages we receive from other people.
These messages quite often dictate who we are and how we behave in certain situations.
In almost all cases, these perceptions develop without our even knowing about them. But they still have a big influence on how we see ourselves.
Whatever you believe is true, it will at some point become true for you.
Not all self-schemas are negative
Many of them can be good for your self-esteem and inspire you to achieve more, like:
I’m:
*talented
*outgoing
*athletic
Then, some self-schemas are incomplete, distorted, or inaccurate. As a result, they force us to view ourselves, our choices, and our entire world in a negative light.
They may make you feel hopeless, even worthless at times.
Some of these include:
I’m:
*lazy
*not successful
*overweight
See the Big Picture
If you’ve experienced any type of trauma or anxiety, you know that a negative sense of self can follow. Low self-esteem and negative self-talk also develop soon after.
Leaving yourself vulnerable to these feelings of defeat and despair can be dangerous.
The scary part is that this distorted self-image of can affect anyone. It doesn’t target the weak or lonely.
It also happens to those who are resilient, courageous, or perseverant.
Always remember that you’re more than your self-schemas allow you to believe. Still, it can be hard to see the bigger picture, especially when times are tough.
Below are a few things you can do to provide support to yourself or someone you care about. They’re a good reminder of your self-worth and help you see yourself as your true, complete self.
Question the Accuracy of Self-Schemas
It’s easy to let others determine our perception of who we are, aka our schemas. Yet, the problem starts when we convince ourselves that that’s who we are as individuals.
The only way to avoid this is by taking some time to reflect. Ask yourself, “How accurate is this belief?
Does it reflect who I am?”
Remember that if others have drawn up a certain picture of you, it may be incomplete. It may even be 100% inaccurate.
No one knows who you are and what you’re capable of except you.
Take Control of Your Thoughts
Were you able to question the truth of certain aspects of yourself? You know now that other people’s perception of you isn’t always correct.
Once you recognize that, you can be aware of how unkind you can be to yourself. Don’t worry, we’re all victims of one form of self-sabotage or another.
At times, we can be our own worst enemies. Luckily, there are ways to avoid falling into that pit.
The simplest thing you can do is to emphasize the positive, no matter how small you may think they are.
Start with some strength-based affirmations, such as:
*I welcome change.
*I don’t waste time feeling sorry for myself.
*I’m grateful for all that I have.
Making mistakes doesn’t make me a failure.
Giving up isn’t an option.
Allow Yourself to Be Whole
You are the sum of all your parts. You’re not defined by a mistake you made at work- or by your successes.
You are a combination of your strengths and weaknesses, failures, and accomplishments. Allowing them to coexist is the first step to appreciating yourself and all you stand for.
Overheard: “If you feel lost, disappointed, hesitant, or weak, return to yourself, to who you are, here and now and when you get there, you will discover yourself, like a lotus flower in full bloom, even in a muddy pond, beautiful and strong.”
You might know how important self-care is to your well-being. But it isn’t always easy to work it into your daily routine.
Here, we’ll look at why you often fail at this.
And we’ll look at the things that are holding you back.
It’s often perceived as selfish
One of the main reasons people fail to take care of themselves is because they feel it’s selfish. It could be that you feel guilty when you take time to focus on yourself.
Or, you may worry about what other people think.
It’s a total myth that self-care is selfish. In fact, it can help you to be a better parent, friend, spouse, and relative.
The more you take care of yourself, the easier you’ll find it to take care of others.
You’ll also show your children how important this is. Teaching them to take care of their own needs is a crucial life skill.
One that’s going to help them to grow up to be happier adults.
It requires effort
There’s no getting away from the fact that self-care does take some level of effort in the beginning. When you aren’t used to making self-care a priority, you’re going to need to make quite a few changes to your routine.
Coming up with a self-care plan can feel like a chore, making it easy to put off. But there are ways to reduce the effort.
For example, focusing on one thing you want to improve at a time can help. Would you like to start working out more?
Scheduling time to exercise as soon as you wake up, for example, can be a great start. Or, if you’re looking to drink more water, focus on that goal first.
If you break down your self-care tasks, it makes them much easier, reducing a lot of the effort involved.
Different approaches work for different people
Every one of us is different, and we enjoy different things. You might find more feel-good in going for a run than you do in yoga or meditation.
So you would list running as a self-care task.
If you find one approach isn’t working, try something else. Your decision should be personal and fit your own needs.
These are some of the most common reasons people fail to take good care of themselves. It can be difficult overcoming the initial barriers.
But when you understand what and how important it is, you’ll find it much easier to stick to a self-care routine.
Worrying isn’t good for much. Especially when you worry about what people think.
GenuLines wants to help you keep others’ opinions from getting to you.
Stop Worrying About What People Think
Do you find yourself always doubting your decisions? Are you fretting over other people’s reactions to your actions or opinions?
In this post, we’ll share some tips and tricks to help you stop worrying about what people think of you. Learn how to use constructive criticism to your advantage.
Then filter out any negative judgment.
This will leave you less anxious and less overwhelmed. As a result, you can stay more focused on yourself and the best ways to achieve your goals.
Let’s get started.
Are People’s Opinions Holding You Back?
Worrying about what others think and feel about you is a normal part of our DNA. We’re programmed to seek others’ approval.
Studies show there’s a reward center that’s activated when we’re given a compliment.
Even if you sense people’s recognition of your hard work, your brains fire up those same reward centers.
So acceptance brings a good feeling. Yet we won’t find acceptance from everyone every time.
Problems start when we start pivoting our lifestyles to fit people’s expectations. We give others power over our lives and how we should live it.
Thus, we lose out on experiencing genuine living.
Next
After that, things go downhill and start spiraling out of control. Being stuck in that mind frame can be destructive to you and those around you.
Going down this unproductive path, you’ll be leaving a path of destruction in your wake. It will affect your job, your relationships, and your self-esteem.
How Can I Stop Worrying About What People Think?
Do some serious soul searching. Do you feel that your reality has shifted? Have you started to believe in other people’s version of who you are as opposed to the real you?
Then, it’s time to step up and take some actionable steps. You owe it to yourself to share the real you with the world.
We rounded some simple, yet effective, ways to help you break this vicious cycle. Read on to learn more.
Focus on What’s Important
Has someone said something unkind about you? Instead of letting it fester, don’t let it go to your head.
Chances are, that person won’t recall what they said in about ten minutes. Plus, what they say reflects who they are as a person.
If you think about it, it actually has very little to do with you.
In other words, their perceptions of you come from them. And you’re not responsible for how they feel or what they think, neither can you change any of it.
So, why waste your time fretting over something you have no control over?
Instead, channel that energy into something productive. You can learn a new skill, take up a class, or pick up an old hobby.
Whatever it is, make sure it’s something you enjoy.
Some things more worthy of your time
Spend quality time with friends and family
Smile at the barista serving your coffee or hold the door for someone
Surround yourself with people who encourage and support you
Volunteer at a local shelter or food bank
Take a walk through the park
Have dinner at that restaurant you’ve been dying to try
Highlight Your Accomplishments
We’ve all been through difficult times in our lives; some more than others. At the same time, we’ve all accomplished one thing or another.
It doesn’t have to be anything grandiose or elaborate. But it does have to mean something to you.
Like filing your taxes on time or making home-cooked meals for an entire week. Be proud of yourself and all the hard work you put in.
You can even write down these accomplishments and hang them up on your fridge or vanity mirror. Then every time you catch a glimpse of one of your achievements, say to yourself, “I did that!”
Say it over and over until your subconscious takes it in.
Uplifting Talk
Another way to boost your confidence is to practice saying encouraging statements. These will help build up your self-esteem and improve the way you view yourself.
Here are a few statements to get you inspired:
My self-confidence is on the rise.
I’m worthy of all good things.
I can’t control what happens, but I can control my reaction to them.
My ideas are great.
I’m blessed and appreciative of everyone and everything in my life.
Train Yourself to See the Positive
Our brains see the negative. They’re wired that way.
We complain, we blame others, and we dwell. This has to stop!
You can train your thoughts to be more positive. And you can do it in a healthy, productive way.
As a result, you become less anxious and more resilient.
Take an honest look at your weaknesses or flaws
We all have them.
Some are better at acknowledging and improving them than others. Why can’t that be you?
Write down a list of five things that bother you about yourself. Then, set some realistic goals to change them and reward yourself each time you reach one of your set goals.
Make sure you start small and work at your own pace. The point is to feel good about yourself, not overwhelm or burden you.
That kind of defeats the purpose.
Practice Relaxation Techniques
Relaxation techniques are becoming popular because people are realizing the importance of self-care. These techniques aim at reducing stress levels and improving your health.
They also teach you the value of savoring the present.
When you focus on your today, you stop worrying about what happened in the past or what might happen in the future. These techniques can also help you stop worrying about what people think about you.
The great thing about them is that you can do them anywhere. Whenever you start to worry, remind yourself that you could be overreacting.
It’s likely that your colleagues aren’t judging you in the harsh way you think they are.
Take a few deep breaths and focus on anything around you: your coffee mug, a cloud, and your nails. Anything that can steer your thoughts to the present moment will do the trick!
Then, lo and behold, you’ll notice that your pulse is slowing down and so is your heart rate. Your anxiety will start to recede and you’ll realize you don’t care about what people think as much anymore.
Those emotional vampires make you want to turn around and run the other way. And their effect can stay with you after they’re gone.
Today GenuLines helps you educate yourself to keep the vampires at bay.
Are Emotional Vampires Draining You Dry?
The people around us affect our view of the world. And there are plenty of reasons why some people may drain your energy more than others.
You could be dealing with a narcissist or someone who complains most of the time.
If an emotional vampire is draining you dry, it’s time to start protecting your energy. Today we look at how to recognize the signs of an emotional vampire, and the best ways to protect your energy.
Understanding The Different Types of Emotional Vampires Emotional vampires come in a variety of forms.
They include:
Victims Narcissists Constant talkers Controllers Drama queens
Each type of emotional vampire can leave an effect on you. You feel tired and deflated after being in their company.
The victim emotional vampire plays the victim, even when they’re the perpetrator. Narcissists are only interested in their own thoughts and feelings.
Constant talkers drain your mental energy.
They’re in your midst
Most of us know at least one type of emotional vampire in our lives. Not sure how to identify them?
There are a few signs to watch out for…
Tell-Tale Signs You Are Dealing with An Emotional Vampire
The main signs to watch out for include:
You feel mentally exhausted after spending time with them. Your depression or anxiety ratchet up.
You feel like they’re putting you down. You turn to comfort eating or drinking alcohol after being around them.
Protecting Your Energy
If you are dealing with an emotional vampire, how can you stop them from draining your energy? The good news is there are strategies you can use to deal with them.
First, if you can, you should distance yourself from the person. Avoid being around an emotional vampire.
Now, this isn’t always possible.
To thine own self
If you can’t distance yourself, make sure you’re practicing self-care. Taking care of yourself will allow you to feel more confident to set healthy boundaries.
You’ll be more assertive and protective of your time.
So, if you don’t already, set aside time every day to focus on yourself. Take care of your own needs first.
Then watch how your energy and tolerance changes for negative people.
Getting help
If you’re struggling to handle an emotional vampire in your life, you can also turn to therapy. Seeking help from a professional will enable you to understand why you can’t deal with the problem.
And you’ll learn about solutions that can help.
Emotional vampires are everywhere today. It isn’t always possible to get away from them immediately.
But there are things you can do in the meantime to protect yourself and your energy.
A life lived without adversity of some kind is rare. At it’s worst it can seem as though motivation is lost.
With that in mind GenuLines takes a look at a few who made their difficult roads work for them
Motivation Through Adversity- A Proven Path
People sometimes feel that they have no hope. They find themselves in dire situations and believe they’re never going to recover.
For instance, a person born with an issue that sets up barriers right from the start.
It’s understandable why they feel defeated. But there are examples of people who beat the odds and thrived in the process.
The Miracle Worker
One example is Helen Keller. At the age of 11, she lost both her sight and hearing due to an illness.
Her live-in teacher, Anne Sullivan, helped Keller prepare for college. She went on to became a prolific author and activist.
And she set up schools for the blind and deaf.
Birth of Greatness
You may have heard of Helen Keller, but have you ever heard of Nick Vujicic? Nick was born without arms and legs.
He’s now a motivational speaker and evangelist.
You can find plenty of videos of Nick doing activities as well as or better than people who have all their limbs. He refuses to let hid situation get in his way.
Super Effort
You may remember Christopher Reeves. He was an American actor famous for playing Superman in the 1990s movie series.
He developed quadriplegia after a horse riding accident. Shortly after the incident, he used his fame to help others who experience similar fates.
There are plenty of other examples of people who rose above their disabilities. It is a source of inspiration and motivation to others who feel helpless.
No Quit
These are all examples of people who would be likely to give up based on their circumstances but refused to do so. Their situations were in no way easy to deal with, and they all had long journeys to rise above their situations.
They not only accomplished something but excelled at it.
Someone in your life may be facing a particularly difficult situation. You can help them by showing the inspiration of the people mentioned in this article.
The Takeaway
Even you’re not in a dire situation you can get motivated by these inspiring people. For instance, if you are facing a problem, think about what these people had to go through.
Their experience will lend you some perspective. It’ll help motivate you to look for a solution.
And don’t look at this as reveling in their misery. Instead, you’re celebrating their lives.
And their ability to overcome the adversities they faced.
Fear is something that, at times, can help you in life. But when it takes control of your life it’s a whole different story.
Never fear, GenuLines is here to get you back in the driver’s seat.
Stop Letting Fear Control Your Life
The number one thing that holds many of us from going after our dreams is fear. If left unchecked, it can keep you locked up inside your own mental prison.
The trouble is, confronting your fears isn’t easy. And changing it is going to be uncomfortable.
While they may keep you comfortable, they can also cause frustration and depression. If you’re honest about wanting to live your best life, you need to stop letting fear rule it.
Here, we’ll look at how you can stop letting it control your life.
Explore the cause of your fear
If you want to stand any chance of getting over your fear, you’re going to need to know its cause. Write down all your fears.
Then, circle the fears that are most palpable. Once you’ve identified your main fears, start to think of ways you can prevent them from happening.
This can help you to feel like you have more control over them.
You won’t always be able to prevent your fears from coming true. But most of them are nothing more than a defense mechanism.
By facing our fears, we often find that they weren’t as bad as we thought they’d be. Once you have an idea of what’s causing them, you can then look at ways to combat them.
Practice mindfulness
Fear tends to generate a lot of anxiety. By practicing mindfulness, it can help to bring a sense of calm into the mind.
Lowering your anxiety levels will in turn give your fear less control over you. When you’re in a calmer state, you’re going to feel a lot stronger and better able to face your fear.
Meditation and deep breathing exercises are great for calming anxiety. They also deliver a lot of other great benefits for the mind and body.
Start with short, guided meditations if you’re a beginner. They’re free on sites such as YouTube.
Focus on the consequences if you don’t change
If you’re struggling to face your fears, focus on what will happen if you don’t make the needed changes. That is, how will your life be a year from now if you don’t change anything now?
Most likely, you’ll still be stuck feeling dissatisfied with your life. You’ll be unable to move forward.
The reason you’re reading this is that you’re already feeling fed up and wanting to make a change. So, if you don’t start facing your fear, you’ll only start to feel more frustrated, resentful, and lost.
Summary
Focusing on what will happen if you don’t face your fear can provide you with the motivation you need to do it.
These are the best ways you can stop letting fear control your life. Only by recognizing and facing up to this can you get past it.
Fear is also linked to how you feel about yourself. So work on your self-improvement and boost your confidence.
You’ll be in a much better position to face your fears.
You want to eat the best quality food possible. But how many facts and contradictory reports can we consume?
So today GenuLines is serving up this look at both whole and refined food.
Whole Food Vs. Refined- A Closer Look
Which foods should I eat and how much? An endless parade of options gives us almost too much information on making good choices.
Sure spinach is no doubt a healthier food choice than potato chips. But a new area of focus is getting attention.
It has more to do with the quality of the food rather than which food to pick.
So you took spinach over potato chips.
But is it still good for you if it’s canned, frozen, fresh, refined? It’s a tricky question.
Making good food choices
First, we need to define some of these key terms. Whole food is one without changes that could alter its natural state.
This might refer to vegetables that are grown without any modification. as if you’d picked them from the ground itself.
Grains or even meat can come into play, too. This means no chemicals, preservatives, or additives in the packaging process.
Altered states
By contrast, refined food has had some aspects of it removed or altered. This can but doesn’t always include processed foods.
These prepared foods have nothing taken away. Think fresh orange juice prepared from fresh oranges, or flour from whole grain.
Now, refined food goes through a process that creates a fundamental change. One example is the difference that occurs with converted rice- from brown to white.
But is it better?
Generally speaking refined does not refer to better or improved. Rather it’s often a refining process that’s removing key nutrients.
For example, white flour that’s made from whole grain. It starts with a process that removes a lot of the fiber content.
So it doesn’t have the nutrition density or health benefits of brown rice flour.
Not all refined foods are bad.
Processed dried fruits have had their water removed.
That doesn’t mean they’re bad for you. Heat plain popcorn and you change its structure.
It’s processed, but it can still be healthy.
Take a closer look
One of the key takeaways then is to dig deeper into any food that’s refined or could be. There are many refined foods that don’t deliver nutritional benefits.
And they’ve been fundamentally altered in the process. These deliver a much compromised nutritional benefit.
They include products like white bread, white rice, or refined pasta. These lose their original density when altered for taste and preservation.
But there’s more
Fruit juices are another example of processing for preservation. This gives them longer shelf life and more sweetness.
Their alteration kills most of the original benefit of the actual fruits.
So, if you think drinking apple juice is as good as eating apples, think again. Of course, some examples would be much easier to identify.
Compare potato chip quality to the original potato’s. Or fried chicken tenders and their original composition when they’re still fresh.
Summary
In a perfect nutrition world we would only consume whole foods straight from farm to table. Whenever possible this is the recommended choice.
So when you shop for refined foods, do your due diligence. Find out if the refining process has altered the food for the worse, and if so, do your best to avoid it.
As always, preparation equals success so do your research and eat the best food for you!
Focus can become a casualty during times like these we’re living in. Important things can fall through the cracks.
So with that said GenuLines reminds you that focus is key to getting the results you want in life.
Why Mental Focus Is Crucial For Success
Mental focus is one of the most important skills when it comes to success in any area of your life. To focus means to concentrate on a particular task or problem for a period of time.
It’s something you can get better at with practice. For now, let’s look at exactly why mental focus is crucial for success and how it can help you get things done.
Focus Keeps Distractions At Bay
Distractions are all around us. You sit down at your desk and end up checking email.
You browse through Facebook. Or you get lost on YouTube watching video after video.
We get distracted by new projects. Or things that need to be taken care of around the house or the office, and of course by family members and coworkers.
With all these distractions it’s a wonder we get anything done. There’s always something else that demands our attention, or a fun new project we’d rather be working on.
This is where your focus can make a huge difference and help you get things done. Focus is like a pair of blinders.
It helps you concentrate on the task at hand until it’s done.
Focus Keeps You From Making Mistakes
You make fewer mistakes when you’re not always distracted. You give full attention to whatever you’re working on.
The mistakes come when you’re not engaged and immersed in the task you’re working on.
To turn this around, concentrate on your work. If you do make mistakes you’re more likely to catch and fix them.
The end result is a better quality product, no matter what you’re working on.
Focus Helps You Get More Done Faster
Have you ever worked on a tight deadline? Let’s say you have to finish a report or write a blog post before you can head out to lunch to meet a friend.
You become dialed in (thanks to that looming deadline). Now tasks that would usually take you half a day you’re doing in 30 minutes.
Best of all, the end result is often better than your usual work. Now you’re focused and are getting into the flow.
And things seem to come together with almost no effort.
There’s no getting around some tasks. You can dodge them all you want and yet there they are.
It’s a challenge that GenuLines is happy to take on with a look at why they happen.
Why Do We Avoid Certain Tasks?
Do you find yourself dreading a particular task in your life every time you have to complete it? Do you often wonder why you avoid that task?
There are several reasons humans avoid completing specific tasks. These can vary from person to person.
You Don’t Think You’ll Have Fun
One of the main reasons people avoid certain tasks is that they don’t believe that they’ll enjoy them. Or it could be that they’ve performed the task before and didn’t have fun.
Humans generally want to avoid doing things that lead to unhappiness. This is especially true when they see the task at hand may be especially difficult or complex.
Fatigue
When you’re tired, you’ll generally avoid certain tasks. Even if you usually have fun doing them.
This is because you’re tired and need to get some rest.
If you find yourself avoiding a task because you feel exhausted, then it’s time to get some rest. Try to do it later. It’s tough to focus when fatigue sets in.
It could lead you to become distracted as an avoidance tactic for certain tasks.
You Don’t Think You’ll Do Well
Fear of failure is another big reason that people will avoid certain tasks. Often, they’re afraid of looking bad.
Or they want to avoid the embarrassment they might feel. This fear of failure is quite common but it’s one of the easier fears to overcome.
The remedy usually is the result of working on self-confidence and self-acceptance.
Medical Conditions
Several conditions such as anxiety and depression can lead you to avoid what you want to do. Although this may sound bad, treatment of the underlying condition is possible.
And this can help you find your motivation to follow through.
The reasons on this list may vary, but they all boil down to a shortage of motivation. If this is the case with you then start by realizing that you lack motivation.
Once you do, you can start paving your road to the future with real motivation.
Overheard: “The hardest task needs the lightest hand or else its completion will not lead to freedom but to a tyranny much worse than the one it replaces”
Overheard: “Focus does not mean saying yes, it means saying no” 
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