We’ve all come across people with strong personalities.
But what exactly does this mean?
It’s difficult to find one definition of a “strong personality.” Urban Dictionary online defines it as “an aggressive person; a difficult person.”
Others use the following descriptive terms: intimidating, overbearing, impatient, intolerant, controlling, bullying behavior.
You want to deal with these strong personalities without punishing your confidence level.
Fortunately, there are ways to do this. Here’s what you need to keep in mind.
1. Get to know the person underneath –
You can’t over-emphasize this point. Getting beneath a person’s tough exterior can help you understand why that person is the way he/she is.
Family of origin for example.
You may be dealing with an oldest child. One who came from alcoholic parents, and had to raise three brothers and sisters.
Ways to get to know the person include engaging him/her in conversation. At the start, it may be a sincere compliment about a new hairstyle or a new coat, or asking how his/her weekend was.
You want to stay on that person’s good side, and you can do this by being likable and friendly. In turn, you’re also likely to pick up on traits about the person that you like.
2. Don’t take it personally –
Strong personalities tend to be direct and they don’t mince words. If you learn to shrug off the way something is said to you, you’ll do well.
3. Stay calm –
People with strong personalities are up to the challenge of arguing their point. So it’s better not to go there.
Stand your ground, but don’t let it get to the point of an argument.
4. Use humor –
Let’s say someone is barking orders at you even though you have a good relationship with them. (as explained in tip #1 above). Consider using humor.
You could say, “Sure, I can do that, but I expect you to buy me a coffee when we go for break.” In this way, you’re acknowledging a request, but you’re showing that you’re not taking it to heart.
5. You have valuable ideas too –
Often people with strong personalities are testing you. They don’t like to see weakness in others as much as they don’t like it in themselves.
Keep your confidence up by speaking clearly and with conviction, but do it kindly. Don’t be a wishy-washy type of person who can’t make a decision.
If you can’t come to an agreement on something, don’t walk away exasperated. Instead, leave room for discussion later.
It may go nowhere later too. But at least you keep your self-respect and the knowledge that you can deal with all kinds of people.
Creativity is a word that’s familiar to you. You probably use it from time to time. But do you understand it?
Creativity is about imagination, newness, freshness, and ingenuity. Yet it’s tempting to copy creativity from others. Below you’ll find some ways to fuel your creativity ‘engine.’
Creative genius. It’s all around you. In the phones and other tech devices you use. In the music you listen to and the movies that keep you riveted to the screen.
And maybe you have the mistaken opinion that only a select few are able to unleash a steady flow of creative genius. It probably comes from the idea of ‘personality type.’
This makes you think personality and style of working are set in stone.
That’s not true at all. Your so-called personality type is only a set of behavior patterns. You took these on to help you meet the different challenges of your early life.
You can change those patterns.
The fact is, creativity is very much like a muscle that needs exercise to give you great results.
If you don’t practice harnessing creative thinking, this skill will atrophy. And the ‘muscle’ will become weak.
But keep it working and it will come to you whenever you call.
So how do you unleash your creative thinking? Well, the first thing to do is to become a human leech.
No, we’re not talking about sucking the blood out of every living being in sight. We’re saying that you should take in as much knowledge and learning as you can find.
Read everything available — good and bad. And keep your mind open to the infinite possibilities of the universe.
The more you know, the more you’ll want to know. And the more your faculty of wonder will kick in.
Prepare to be amazed at little facts that add a bit of color to your life.
Focus on a creative activity every day. Yes, it’s an effort. But even doodling is a creative activity.
Don’t let anything hinder you.
Sometimes daydreaming is a creative activity. But if you’re new to creative thinking you might need concrete evidence.
When you see it you’ll be able to say “hey, what I’m doing is getting somewhere.”
Going vegan, or vegetarian is a great way to eat smarter, lose weight, burn fat and feel energetic. Choosing to live a healthier lifestyle starts with your diet.
Estimates show that up to 70% of your physical fitness level is a direct result of your diet. So, “Good for you!” for deciding to go vegan or vegetarian.
By the way, what is the difference?
A vegan is definitely a vegetarian, but not all vegetarians are vegans. And what is this pescatarian thing anyway?
Defining the Difference Between Vegan and Vegetarian
Before you join a club or organization, you first find out what they are all about, right? What do they believe?
What are the basic tenets, rules and unwritten laws which govern that organization? Choosing between a vegan or vegetarian lifestyle? Ask yourself the same questions.
– Vegan – A person who excludes the use of animals for clothing, food or any other purpose. They do not consume or use any products made from animals.
This means they do not eat eggs, meat, milk or any other animal-based food.
– Vegetarian – This is someone who does not eat meat or fish. Unlike a vegan, some types of vegetarians eat dairy products, eggs, and cheese.
Vegetarians don’t usually concern themselves with excluding animal-based non-food products. These include things like clothing.
The Different Types of Vegetarians
Now you’re beginning to see the differences. Vegans look at food and nonfood production in a different light. They can be more passionate about the exclusion of animals from the process.
Vegetarians pretty much stick to a plant-based diet. But you may find them wearing leather shoes and clothing. Or they may eat eggs and cheese and drink milk.
Check out these different types of vegetarians …
Pescatarian – This person is pretty much a vegetarian. But, they also eat fish and other seafood products, dairy, and eggs.
Flexitarian – If you would like to be an “almost vegetarian”, the flexitarian diet might be right for you. This is a vegetarian who sometimes eats eggs, cheese, and dairy products.
They also eat less meat.
Lacto vegetarian – As a “lacto” you can exclude poultry, meat, fish and any egg products from your diet. But you can still eat dairy products such as yogurt, cheese, and milk,
Lacto ovo vegetarian – Do you love cheese, eggs, egg-based food items. Do you have to have yogurt, milk and other dairy products?
When you add these foods to an almost completely plant-based diet you are a lacto ovo vegetarian.
It doesn’t take much looking around anymore to find a real need for forgiveness. Society keeps a laundry list of “somebody-done-somebody-wrong-what-should-be-done-about-it” items.
Look at your own life. What are you carrying around? More importantly, can you “put it down?”
Chi For Yourself answers in the affirmative. Read on to find out how you can lighten the load through forgiveness–
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ARTICLE:
Does it seem that your days are a constant stream of anger and resentment? Is it tough remembering when you were happy?
You know, those times when you greeted your days with more enthusiasm?
Ah, but that was before my partner (and love in general) let me down!
You may think that holding on to anger and grief grants you a certain power. One that you wouldn’t have if you forgave and let go of the anger and confusion.
It doesn’t seem logical that forgiveness can give you a new outlook. An outlook free of constant thinking about how and why you were “wronged.”
Forgiveness is not excusing or condoning the act. Nor is it letting someone back into your life.
Forgiveness is actually a gift you can give yourself. Doing this will restore your life to a sort of normalcy. You’ll enjoy the good things about life. And, you won’t let the bad stuff get you down.
I like to say that we make choices. And forgiveness is a process you must choose. It’s not a sudden awakening that pushes you to let someone “off the hook.’
Forgiveness is a powerful ally in your life. It’s critical to restoring relationships and/or carrying on with life. No more wallowing in self-pity.
When you forgive, you take a load off of yourself. You rid your mind of thoughts of revenge. You can move forward with a happy here-and-now. And you de-clutter your path toward manifesting in the future.
You’ll be surprised how forgiveness can soothe aches and pains. Plus you’ll be able to open yourself up to better relationships.
You may not feel able to trust someone immediately. But gradually you’ll experience honesty and respect. You’ll have a newfound trust and openness.
You may not be ready to forgive – and, that’s okay. But, you can begin working toward forgiveness and enjoy the journey.
Justdeciding to forgive starts freeing you from corrosive feelings that bother you.
It feels nothing short of traumatic when your life has been rocked by someone you trusted and loved. Forgiveness is a path to restoring your life so that you’re open and your spirit is ready.
Happy was the order of the day when Andrew Matthews visited Chi For Yourself. Andrew reminded us that to be happy we have to emulate happy and successful people. And he says that it’s what you feel that attracts the sort of life you have.
Andrew Matthews is the author of How Life Works: Why Happy People Are More Successful. How You Can Be Like Them!
Listen to last week’s show by clicking on below–
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Recently I had the chance to respond to a blog post and I just couldn’t resist. I rarely do this. The writer read The Secret, did affirmations, and felt this “belief” was all fueled by ego wants. The following is an excerpt of my response. As the saying goes, “Ignorance of the Law is no excuse.”
O.K. kids, time to clear this up once and for all… Law of Attraction does not manipulate anything. And, ego is not the driver of LOA.
Let’s put away our copies of The Secret and get this thing right. Law of Attraction is more accurately known as Law of Vibration.
This vibration occurs in everything in the universe, including YOU. Work on honing your energy or vibration- think gratitude, love, and so on.
You’ll ACTIVATE and work with The Law of Vibration to deliberately manifest. You do this by seeking out ways to optimize your energy and clear the way for the alignment process to work.
Universal Law is not about “believing.” It’s not a faith, a cult, a fad, a superstition, or a parlor trick.
It’s not the fast track to a new Lexus or a winning lottery ticket. It’s been around forever and it ain’t goin’ anywhere.
Honing this magnetic energy as mentioned earlier can have extraordinary effect. It’s constantly affecting individuals, communities, and even countries.
Studies have shown that attractor energies can impact something as basic as water. And, water makes up more than half of an adult male’s body. See Dr. Masaru Emoto’s study
Still having a problem believing this Universal Law business? Step off of a tall building and see if you believe in another Universal Law- the Law of Gravity.
Whew! Law of Attraction is not a threat to you or your religion for that matter. You don’t have to convert to a dogmatic creed, do penance, or sacrifice any virgins.
Are excuses getting in your way? Another week is passing by and you’re no closer to reaching your goal. Or wish. Or dream!
Here’s a gentle reminder from CHI FOR YOURSELF about excuses and what you can do about them.
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ARTICLE:
Excuses. They’re some of the biggest momentum destroyers. But you can overcome the need to create excuses by keeping moving in the right direction.
The smallest actions toward achieving your goal can keep your momentum moving along.
You want your action to be consistent. This will keep momentum moving and your goals on track.
In time, your progress will become easier and your actions will be done without even thinking. You’ll enjoy the actions much more too. And you’ll become more enthused as you realize one success after another.
Here are some common excuses. They’re often used to keep you from beginning or following through with a commitment:
Time constraints –
“I just have too much to do and can’t exercise (or whatever else you need to do). Everyone has the same amount of time, but they don’t set the proper priorities.
Decide what’s most important to you. Then take action after weeding out some of the less important tasks in your life.
It’s too difficult –
You may need to break down the goal into small steps so that you better understand and can complete it. Make it a point to study and analyze what you want and how to get it.
That may mean going back to school, but if you want it badly enough, it’s worthwhile.
Too old (or too young) –
Look at older folks. Some have accomplished what seemed like impossible feats in their later years.
And look at those who’ve reached phenomenal success at very young ages. If you have the will and commitment to gather the momentum you need – you’ll succeed.
The time isn’t right –
You might think you’ll do it when the kids are out of school, when you retire, or when your finances are in better shape.
Chances are, the time will never be quite right to begin the motions to reach your most lofty goals. Begin now – even in small increments – to create the momentum necessary to move you along.
What are some of the excuses you’ve used in the past? Did they keep you from completing a project or beginning the process to reach a goal?
Decide whether your excuse is valid or a momentum killer that’s holding you back.
Another Monday morning, and it’s a great time for complaining. Gotta wake up so early. Traffic is always a mess. This job is the worst.
You may not have a lot of options for improving your situation right now. But, you can change how you look at it
This is especially true if you’re a complainer. Let’s look at some ways to ratchet down the tendency to complain.
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How To Avoid Complaining
Remember the phrase from the poem Solitude, by Ella Wheeler Wilcox? The line is, “Laugh, and the world laughs with you; weep and you weep alone”.
The same can be said for complaining. If you’re a chronic complainer, you may want to rethink that tendency.
One problem with complaining is that too much of it becomes less effective over time. Are you really unhappy with every situation you’re presented with?
It could be a sign that you have other negative situations going on in your life. You need to choose your battles, as they say.
Let’s say you have several situations that make you unhappy. Pick the one you most want to focus on for improvement.
It will be easier to get your point across if you limit the frequency of your complaints.
There’s a right time to complain. But it should be done in the context of offering up alternatives.
Be part of the solution and not part of the problem. If you only offer a complaint, how is that helping solve the problem?
Offering solutions will show your willingness to have a stake in solving the problem.
A good approach is to come up with more than one solution whenever possible. This will help get more people to see your side of the story.
If you’re someone who complains a lot, take a step back. Think about others who are chronic complainers as well.
How did you react to their constant stream of complaints? Did you think to yourself that the person should try to help solve the problem?
If you answered yes to this last question, this is how others are thinking when you complain.
Complainers often feel like no one’s listening to them, usually with good reason. And the increased frustration could lead to their alienation from the group.
This is not a good situation. Management could be more likely to let the complainers go. Or the complainers might take it upon themselves to leave.
Complaining is considered negative thinking, but it’s a changeable habit.
Begin that change by shifting from negative to positive thoughts.
Your peers will likely find fewer faults with you. And they won’t go out of their way to avoid you if you maintain a positive attitude.
If you find that you complain a lot and people are avoiding you it may be time for some changes.
This week’s episode of CHI FOR YOURSELF takes a look at fear, anxiety, and A Course In Miracles. We’ll welcome Corinne Zupko. She was challenged by anxiety at an early age.
But she found a way to heal from rather than just coping with fear and anxiety. That way included A Course in Miracles.
Corinne Zupko is the author of From Anxiety to Love: A Radical New Approach for Letting Go of Fear and Finding Lasting Peace
Hear the interview on Thursday, March 22nd at 4 pm Eastern, 1 pm Pacific time at chiforyourself.com
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ARTICLE:
Unlock Your Power Of Self Development
Life is about change. Even when we’re not aware of it.
An honest look at ourselves can assure that the changes take us in positive directions. But the honesty can be difficult since it requires perspective.
If you look at a painting too closely you might not be able to appreciate it. Back up a bit and you get a clearer vision of the whole artwork. You see it in perspective.
Life can sneak up on you with hints that might help you unlock your power of self- improvement. But until you’re ready for change you won’t see them. And the ready point may happen when you hit rock bottom.
It’s a little like the well-known frog principle. If you try placing a frog in a pot of boiling water, what happens? He jumps right out. Why?
Because he is not able to tolerate sudden change in his environment. He knows that water is too hot for him.
But put him in cooler water then turn the gas on and he won’t move. The water gets hotter and hotter until it’s boiling. You know how the story ends.
Your situation may be like the frog’s. You stay comfortable in a bad situation. You may think that one more cigarette or drink won’t hurt. You find yourself addicted and you can’t stop.
Pain teaches us lessons. Pain that is strong enough to make us see that our comfort zone is not so comfortable anymore.
We can ignore the warning signals for a long time, but finally, something hits home.
When do we realize that we need to change diets? When none of our jeans and shirts fit us.
When do we stop drinking sugary sodas all day? When every visit to the dentist reveals that we need painful work.
When do we realize that we need to stop smoking? When we develop a cough that will not go away.
When do we pray and ask for help? Sometimes, not until we know we are about to die.
It’s not easy to change. But change becomes more painful when we ignore it.
Change will happen, like it or not.
Happy people accept and embrace change. You don’t have to feel unbearable pain before realizing the need for self-improvement.
Self-development may not be everybody’s favorite pastime. But if we look at things from a different point of view, we might have a greater chance of enjoying the whole process.
Enjoy the process of unlocking your power of self-development. Then expect a better experience of happiness.
Our guest (Linda Kohanov) adapts horse-inspired insights into powerful tools for developing collaborative leadership and managing change.
Over thousands of years, Kohanov writes, “master herders” of nomadic herding cultures developed a multi-faceted, socially intelligent form of leadership combining the five roles of Dominant, Leader, Sentinel, Nurturer / Companion, and Predator.
LindaKohanov is the author of The Five Roles of a Master Herder: A Revolutionary Model for Socially Intelligent Leadership.
Some talking points from the show:
Features of socially intelligent leadership
A definition of “master herder”
Master herder roles in the working world
Human and animal interaction
Animals and their work in entertaining humans
Listen to the interview by clicking on below:
…and you can read more about leadership styles here:
Iremember getting my very first leadership opportunity. I was thrilled because this is what I’d been working towards for many years and boy oh boy did I suck!
I thought I understood all I needed to know because, after all, I’d read all the books and gave an awesome interview so why was I floundering so badly?
I couldn’t understand why my team wasn’t jumping on board and hanging onto my every word. It was at this point that I was firmly pressed up against reality and I quickly realized that I didn’t have the skills that I thought I had.
My boss, who seemed quite successful in building a team, told me that the team had to want to follow me and that no title was going to give me that. That’s where his advice ended, not because he was short on giving advice, but because he didn’t understand what made him a good leader and he, through no fault of his own, lacked the skills to grow leaders under him.
It was like being thrown into a pool to learn to swim but no one was there to teach me. Looking back it was largely this experience that led me on the journey to discover what makes great leaders. I was no longer satisfied with the theory alone, I wanted to the tools to grow a team and to be able to lead them to be high performers.
As you’ve often heard me say in the past, the first step is awareness of yourself and, in this instance, awareness of your default leadership style. We all have a default and with every style there are positives and negatives in how they are used and there are also specific times when each style should be ‘consciously’ drawn upon.
More on this later but for now, let’s look at the different core leadership styles.
Debate is common about which leadership style is most effective. The answer, of course,… it all depends. ~ Thomas Kohntopp
Visionary Leadership Style
The Visionary Leader moves people towards a shared dream/vision. This style is particularly effective when a business is adrift-it comes naturally to transformational leaders, those who seek to radically change an organization.
Of all the leadership styles, this style appears to be the most strongly positive. Examples of Visionary Leaders include Martin Luther King, John F. Kennedy, and Barrack Obama.
The key personality traits of these leaders are empathy, self-confidence, and honesty/integrity and they act as a change agent and are big on transparency.
A note of caution: This style can fail when the leader is working with a team of experts or peers who are more experienced than he/she and may be viewed as someone with a grand vision or someone who is misaligned with the existing agenda. It can cause cynicism which can lead to poor performance.
The leader can come across as overbearing and can undermine the spirit of the team.
Coaching Leadership Style
The Coaching Leader connects what a person wants with the organization’s goals. This is a highly positive leadership style. The focus is less so on the “bottom-line” but tends to promote loyalty and a strong culture which, in an indirect way, leads to “bottom-line” results.
The personality traits of this style of leader are emotional self-awareness, empathy, rapport building, and listening. When done well, coaching improves the team member’s capabilities, self-confidence, autonomy, and performance.
This style is the most lacking in leaders. Having a deep conversation with a team member goes beyond the immediate short-term concerns and instead explores a person’s life, including dreams, life goals, and career hopes… this takes time and effort.
A note of caution: When executed poorly the coaching approach can look more like micromanaging or excessive control of the team member. This can impact on the team member’s self-confidence and be detrimental to performance.
Affiliative Leadership Style
The Affiliative Leader creates harmony by connecting people to each other. This leadership style has a positive impact on the environment.
It heightens team harmony, increases morale, improves communication and repairs broken trust in an organization. This leadership style tends to value people and their feelings-putting less emphasis on accomplishing tasks and goals, and more on team member’s emotional needs.
They strive to keep people happy, to create harmony and to build team resonance. But, it should not be used alone.
When coupled with the Visionary Leadership Style it can be a highly potent combination. This style is best used to heal rifts in a team, motivate during stressful times, or strengthen connections.
A note of caution: When using this style alone poor performance can go uncorrected and lead to a culture of mediocrity.
Democratic Leadership Style
The Democratic Leader values people’s input and gets commitment through participation. It has a positive impact on the environment and keeps morale high by spending time one-on-one and in meetings listening to the concerns of team members.
The democratic approach works best when the leader is uncertain about what direction to take and needs ideas from able employees. Even if there is a strong vision, this style works well to surface ideas about how to implement that vision or to generate fresh ideas for executing it.
Please Note: In order for this to be effective, team members have to be well-informed and competent. This approach should not be used in times of crisis and when urgent events demand on-the-spot decisions.
A note of caution: Over-reliance on this style can be exasperating leading to endless meetings to gain consensus, delayed decision making, confusion and lack of direction leading to delays and escalating conflicts.
The next couple of leadership styles, although they have their place, need to be used sparingly and because of the incorrect use of these, they are deemed highly negative… I’m speaking from experience here!
Pace-Setting Leadership Style
The Pace Setting Leader meets challenging and exciting goals. Because this style is frequently poorly executed, it has a highly negative impact on the environment.
When used excessively or in the wrong setting, team members can feel pushed too hard, morale drops and the result is discord. This style works well with a team of highly competent, motivated individuals who need little direction and it makes sense during the entrepreneurial/growth phase of a company.
It can also be effective for short deadlines but continued high pressure can lead to increased anxiety and a drop in performance.
This approach is synonymous with the leader needing to dive into the detail, reluctant to delegate and taking over from others who are not performing (rather trusting they could improve with guidance). The continued high pressure can constrict innovative thinking.
The underlying foundational characteristics of this style include the drive to achieve, a high initiative to seize opportunities, striving to increase their own performance and those of their team.
Leaders who default to this style are motivated, not by external rewards, but by a strong need to meet their own high standards of excellence. Use with caution!
Commanding Leadership Style
The Commanding Leadership Style soothes fears by giving clear direction in an emergency. This is the least effective style in most situations.
This style contaminates the team’s mood and impacts performance, feedback tends to focus on what people did wrong. It is useful, however, in a crisis, to kick-start a turnaround, or with problem employees (when all else fails).
The Commanding Leadership Style undermines the ability to give people the sense that their job fits into a grand, shared mission. This leads to people feeling less committed (even alienated) from their jobs and thinking, “Why does any of this matter?”
It comes from the old military command and control hierarchies used in the twentieth century… interestingly enough, this style is now even cross-pollinated with other styles in the modern military. Again, use with caution!
As you can see, each style has it’s uses and can be effective when applied at the right times. Each style also has its drawbacks and it’s useful to be aware of these too.
Earlier I mentioned that ‘each style should be consciously drawn on’ and by this, I mean that in order to be an effective leader you have to rely more on a range of leadership styles and apply them intelligently rather than just having your default style.
If I was to ask a project manager why they included a section on Risk Management in their project management plan I expect them to be able to tell me. In the same manner, if I was to ask you why you choose to behave one way under certain conditions and another under other conditions I would expect you to be able to articulate the leadership style you are consciously applying and why.
Don’t leave your leadership development to chance. Consciously take control of it and become the best leader you can be!
I wish I knew about the importance of flexing my leadership style back then, it would’ve made a world of a difference.
Knowing what you know now:What’s your default leadership style? What are the challenges you face with your team and what style would be most appropriate in this situation?
Knowing what you know now: You don’t have to have a title to lead. How can you apply these styles in what you do? What styles do you recognize in your peers and leaders in your organization and what impact do they have on their teams?
If you’d like to know more about how you can embed this powerful principle into your life, or if you’d like to learn a little more about what coaching can offer you, please contact us at any time for a free consultation:
Overheard: I am very confident. I look confident. I act confident. I speak in a confident way…
Recently I had the chance to respond to a blog post and I just couldn’t resist. I rarely do this. The writer read The Secret, did affirmations, and felt this “belief” was all fueled by ego wants. The following is an excerpt of my response. As the saying goes, “Ignorance of the Law is no excuse.”
Our scheduled guest is Andrew Matthews, author of How Life Works: Why Happy People are More Successful. How You Can Be Like Them!
Another Monday morning, and it’s a great time for complaining. Gotta wake up so early. Traffic is always a mess. This job is the worst.
This week’s episode of CHI FOR YOURSELF takes a look at fear, anxiety, and A Course In Miracles. We’ll welcome Corinne Zupko. She was challenged by anxiety at an early age.
Our guest (Linda Kohanov) adapts horse-inspired insights into powerful tools for developing collaborative leadership and managing change.
I remember getting my very first leadership opportunity. I was thrilled because this is what I’d been working towards for many years and boy oh boy did I suck!
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