You know that disappointment is part of life, and we hope you accept that fact. But it can be heavy, you say.
Well, GenuLines has some tips to help you lighten the load.
Getting Over Disappointment
It can invade your personal, professional, or romantic life. Getting over a disappointment can be tough. especially if it’s something on which you had your heart set.
Today we offer six strategies you can use to help you let go of your disappointment and move on to set new goals.
1. Avoid Getting Mired in Your Discouragement
It’s okay to feel bad, but don’t get stuck there for too long. How long you think about your sadness depends on the letdown. Losing your favorite t-shirt may deserve a few minutes. Losing a longtime relationship may require a little more time.
The point is, acknowledge why you’re disappointed, consider what you’ve learned, and then take action to move on. Staying in bed for a week will only make you feel worse, and you’ll still have to deal with the consequences.
2. Find Perspective
Whatever the disappointment’s cause, try to maintain the perspective of how this will affect your overall life. You won’t even remember minor defeats in a few weeks’ time, and more significant downfalls should be kept in the perspective of your life as a whole.
Focus on that which makes you feel grateful, what you’ve learned, and how this will impact you in the future. You may also want to consider how this setback affects others, which can be a powerful exercise in perspective.
They may be hurting worse than you.
3. Remember You Can’t Change the Past
Whatever the disappointment, it’s done. It’s happened.
You can’t change it.
So you have two choices. Stagnate on your negative feelings about it or accept that it happened and move on.
Imagining what might have been or considering the “if onlys” can create more hurt and pain. Focus instead on what’s ahead and how you plan to get there.
4. Use the Chance to Examine Your Expectations
Disappointment is when a situation doesn’t meet your expectations. After a setback, look inward to determine if your expectations were appropriate.
Did you expect too much from another person? Were you too demanding of yourself?
How realistic were your goals for the situation?
Reexamining your expectations is a great way to set new goals for moving forward. Be honest with yourself and the true nature of your dissatisfaction.
Be sure you don’t set yourself up for disappointment.
5. Take a Personal Inventory
Before you move on, this is a great chance to evaluate all the strengths you’re bringing to the table to handle this and other disappointments you may face. Look at the skills you have that will help you through your situation, think about the tools and resources you have to help you form a new plan.
Who in your life can assist you in moving on and progressing? Consider all the ways you can and are making the best of your situation and use those as resources for your next step.
6. Reassess and Set New Goals
Each blow in life is an opportunity for choosing a new direction. There is always another chance, to determine how you’re going to decide to move forward.
There is value in all setbacks, and you are only as good as what you learn from each one. Take that newfound knowledge and strength and put it toward a new plan for yourself.
Moving on from a setback isn’t always easy. But if you do the work and stay focused, you can find your way through to the other side with renewed focus and acceptance.
It may take time, but you can move past your defeat and learn from your experiences, too.
It’s been said that thoughts are things. And things aren’t so good when your thoughts turn against you.
We go deeper as GenuLines takes a closer look at this thoughts thing.
Self-Sabotaging Thoughts That Hinder Happiness
At times you’ll struggle to get your thoughts to align with your intentions. These types of thoughts focus on what’s wrong.
Or on what’s missing. Or on the negativity of the situation instead of the positives.
I Don’t Like People
Introverts can have a problem with this. They tend to base their decisions on how many people will be around to see the results..
They tend to make decisions that are not good for them because they are not comfortable being who they are. Turn that thought around.
Take action.
But focus on how you can give yourself care during anxious moments around people. It’s okay to be who you are.
I Am Too ____
Anytime you start a thought with, I am “too” you get into trouble. People often worry about things that no one else ever thinks about.
Yet sometimes they might worry about things that other people do think about.
For example, you find yourself saying you’re too fat, too dumb, too something. Turn that around by setting up steps that will get you to your goals.
I’ll Do That When I ______
You may have said it before to yourself. “I’ll do that when I go back to school.”
“I’ll do that when I clean the house.” “I’ll do that when I lose weight.”
You know the drill. Unless you need to do the thing in the blank, don’t allow that to get in your way.
If you do need to do it, make a step-by-step plan to get it done.
I Can’t Do _____
You may have heard your child, or yourself, or someone else say “I can’t do math.” Or “I can’t cook.”
The truth is, no one can do any of that without learning how to do it.
No one pops out of the womb knowing how to cook, write, read, or do math. Anyone can learn whatever they want to learn given the time and effort to do it.
Saying I Should ____
Have you ever heard that it’s important not to “should” all over everyone? Not only is it a bad idea to create “shoulds” for others, it’s a terrible idea to create them for yourself.
In the Past ___
You dwell on the past and what someone did to you then. Or you fixated on what things were like in the past.
This thinking isn’t going to help you overcome self-sabotage. While it’s okay to use the past as a learning example, it’s not okay to use it as an excuse not to move forward.
Remember you’re only in charge of yourself.
In the Future ____
You don’t want to focus on the past but you also don’t want to be too focused on what’s ahead. Focus on today and tomorrow will take care of itself.
If I Was More Like Them –
Never compare yourself to someone else in a negative way. It’s okay to look at what someone has accomplished.
Learn how to do it yourself, and follow their footsteps.
But don’t wish yourself away. Only you can be you.
Whenever you find you’re focused on a negative aspect of any situation, try to turn your mind around. Focus on the positives.
Yes, sometimes you’re going to have a sad or negative thought, that’s normal. It’s not about the ups and downs of life.
Those are natural. It’s about how you comport yourself the rest of the time.
Apologies for problems on the Google Hangouts page that muted the audio for the Tina Gilbertson interview! Tina is the author of Constructive Wallowing: How to Beat Bad Feelings by Letting Yourself Have Them. Tina turned conventional wisdom around with her explanation of how “constructive wallowing” can help in dealing with feelings. A list of talking points follows, and you can hear the interview by clicking on the BlogTalkRadio logo.
CHI FOR YOURSELF guest: Tina Gilbertson talking points:
Isn’t wallowing an oxymoron?
Having a good cry might not be enough
Self-criticism is not healing
Anger, temper, and wallowing
The T.R.U.T.H. Technique
Hatred, and working through it
Self-compassion toward yourself
Trying to replace a feeling with a thought
The benefits of constructive wallowing
Forgiveness- the policy and the emotion
The wallowing end-point
You can hear the CHI FOR YOURSELF interview with Tina Gilbertson by clicking on the BlogTalkRadio logo:
Today’s guest on Chi For Yourself is Tina Gilbertson. She says pushing bad feelings away never works, and she’ll offer us a practical approach to the more liberating alternative of allowing yourself to feel them. Chi For Yourself – at 4pm Eastern, 1pm Pacific time. Hear the interview atchiforyourself.com
Tina Gilbertson is the author of Constructive Wallowing: How to Beat Bad Feelings by Letting Yourself Have Them.
Tina Gilbertson
Overheard
“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love an affection”
Be with us for today’s Chi For Yourself and guest Daniel Parmeggiani. Daniel is the author of The Magnificent Truths of Our Existence: Unlocking the Deeper Reality of Permanent Happiness.
” Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared”
Buddha
Article: The Simplicity of Choosing Happiness
In our new age of spirituality, where east meets west in the modern labyrinth of mental and spiritual healing, two clear definitions to happiness remain; (1) that happiness is a value synonymous with well-being and thriving, and (2) as opposed to depression, it is something we as humans seek. In essence happiness itself remaining the primary goal – and more elusive.
Psychological research suggests that each individual has what is called a ‘Happiness Set-point’ (HSP) determining overall well-being; happier when things balance our inner HSP and quite unhappy (even miserable), when things go against us, or fall short of it. We alone draw that line and in so doing compound our intrinsic belief, that sentience has a right to happiness, no matter what. Even an animal (and our basic survival instincts) will seek comfort against pain, to find it.
Evidence from research shows that 40% of our happiness is within our control and a voluntary choice we make. Psychologist William James, adds that it is our attitude that hinders or helps us reach our HSP. It seems that it is a natural human reflex to alter our attitude to achieve it. We want to maintain our HSP at all costs. Ironically, the indifference of the depressed, is a matter of ongoing research on lower HSP levels as per socio-economic standards, environmental and chemical imbalance.
Biblical and Buddhist philosophy maintain that all happiness comes from seeking it, yet ironically, a principle point of Buddhism is that all striving is suffering. This would explain why realistic goals are paramount, as true happiness may only be achieved through the balance of effort and suffering, and not the eternal ‘good-time’ that modern pop-psychology would have us believe. Being happier takes effort, especially if it’s a choice we make and maintain with mindfulness. Without effort, one can argue that happiness is hollow and not happiness at all.
Transformation might well be as simple as ‘Seek and ye shall find’ and no matter your labour to your HSP (health, diet, supplements; yoga and exercise; meditation, gratitude, education, journals, self-help, new-age, and/or new-thought mindfulness); the bottom line is that you are still only partaking in the most natural human birth-right of our species. Best to keep it simple.