“Constructive wallowing” seems like an oxymoron. Constructive is a good thing, but wallowing is bad. Right?
But wait a minute; is it really so terrible to give ourselves a time-out to feel our feelings? Or is it possible that wallowing is an act of loving kindness, right when we need it most?
We’ll look at these questions and more on Chi For Yourself when we’re visited by Tina Gilbertson, author of Constructive Wallowing:How to Beat Bad Feelings by Letting Yourself Have Them.
Tina will be the guest on Thursday, September 11th at 4pm Eastern, 1pm Pacific time. You’ll be able to hear the interview at chiforyourself.com
No doubt you’ve noticed that Chi For Yourself has been rather quiet lately. That’s due to the fact that I’m spending some time on the East Coast (USA) helping my mother get through some difficult transitions in her life.
As a care-giver “newbie” I’ve got a lot to learn, and my patience can at times be tested. For that reason I’ve reached back to a past Chi For Yourself episode with Suzanne Scurlock-Durana for help. I thought I’d share that episode with you. Here’s a little background:
Many teachers stress the importance of living in the present moment. Few give the actual practices to make it attainable. This book teaches you how to return to the incredible navigational system of the body and more fully inhabit each moment.
For over twenty-five years, Suzanne Scurlock-Durana has taught her step-by-step practice of present moment awareness through her own combination of bodywork and CranioSacral therapy. The practices of her book Full Body Presence: Learning to Listen to Your Body’s Wisdom are intended to help you find a deeper awareness in the moment, even in the midst of chaos, family and work demands, or the pressure to perform. This deeper awareness also brings a fuller sense of trust and confidence in yourself and in the world.
Before I forget I want to tell you that in August Chi For Yourself will welcome back Matthew Fox. He’s bringing a new book and his always fresh approach to the old teachings! I’ll have details and dates later..
Listen to Suzanne Scurlock-Durana by clicking on the player:
Be with us for today’s Chi For Yourself and guest Daniel Parmeggiani. Daniel is the author of The Magnificent Truths of Our Existence: Unlocking the Deeper Reality of Permanent Happiness.
” Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared”
Buddha
Article: The Simplicity of Choosing Happiness
In our new age of spirituality, where east meets west in the modern labyrinth of mental and spiritual healing, two clear definitions to happiness remain; (1) that happiness is a value synonymous with well-being and thriving, and (2) as opposed to depression, it is something we as humans seek. In essence happiness itself remaining the primary goal – and more elusive.
Psychological research suggests that each individual has what is called a ‘Happiness Set-point’ (HSP) determining overall well-being; happier when things balance our inner HSP and quite unhappy (even miserable), when things go against us, or fall short of it. We alone draw that line and in so doing compound our intrinsic belief, that sentience has a right to happiness, no matter what. Even an animal (and our basic survival instincts) will seek comfort against pain, to find it.
Evidence from research shows that 40% of our happiness is within our control and a voluntary choice we make. Psychologist William James, adds that it is our attitude that hinders or helps us reach our HSP. It seems that it is a natural human reflex to alter our attitude to achieve it. We want to maintain our HSP at all costs. Ironically, the indifference of the depressed, is a matter of ongoing research on lower HSP levels as per socio-economic standards, environmental and chemical imbalance.
Biblical and Buddhist philosophy maintain that all happiness comes from seeking it, yet ironically, a principle point of Buddhism is that all striving is suffering. This would explain why realistic goals are paramount, as true happiness may only be achieved through the balance of effort and suffering, and not the eternal ‘good-time’ that modern pop-psychology would have us believe. Being happier takes effort, especially if it’s a choice we make and maintain with mindfulness. Without effort, one can argue that happiness is hollow and not happiness at all.
Transformation might well be as simple as ‘Seek and ye shall find’ and no matter your labour to your HSP (health, diet, supplements; yoga and exercise; meditation, gratitude, education, journals, self-help, new-age, and/or new-thought mindfulness); the bottom line is that you are still only partaking in the most natural human birth-right of our species. Best to keep it simple.
Growing up in a household traumatized by the violent death of his older brother, and caught between two radically different parental worldviews, young Daniel Parmeggiani often felt guilty, isolated and depressed. After years of trying to find freedom from this torment, Daniel had an epiphany. He realized that every human being shared the same desire – the desire to feel better. All the lofty, complex philosophies he had read boiled down to a simple, single Truth:
Our ONLY motivation in life is to be happy.
Seeing how this shift in understanding completely changed his own life from one of unhappiness to one filled with joy, Daniel Parmeggiani felt called to write his book, The Magnificent Truths of Our Existence: Unlocking the Deeper Reality of Permanent Happiness. Daniel’s book offers a new perspective for rational people looking for simple, clear and logical explanations for life’s most elusive mysteries.
Daniel will be the guest on Chi For Yourself this Thursday (May 29th) at 1pm Pacific time. Hear the interview at chiforyourself.com.
While I was posting this Friday’s Chi For Yourself/BlogTalkRadio episode with Michael Michalko (1pm Eastern) I got to thinking about, well, thinking. I was looking for some ideas for an upcoming project and I was feeling kinda scattered when up popped this article by Colin Bates. Synchronicity! I got it together and I’m feeling a lot better about the project. If your thought process is ‘all over the lot’ give this article a look. It’s a good warmup for Michael Michalko’s discussion of his book Creative Thinkering: Putting Your Imagination to Work.
Creative thinking can be learnt. And to do so it helps to understand the creative thinking process: the structure and steps that you need to take to generate (and sometime evaluate) creative ideas.
Here are 3 examples of the creative thinking process. They all start with a definition of the creative challenge, or creative goal. In my case, this is to ‘generate new ideas for a holiday’.
Information, Incubation, Ideation
This creative thinking process begins with gathering information. To generate ideas we need input, ideas won’t emerge from an empty vessel! In my case, looking for ideas for a holiday, I’d go online, talk to friends, look through the travel magazines… any relevant source of information!
Next, relax. Put the challenge to one side. Forget about it. Let the information incubate in your mind. This process is rooted in the belief that generating ideas should be natural, stress-free and almost effortless. Let the mind do it’s work in the subconscious.
The key thing is to make sure you’re ready to capture the ideas as they emerge. Because the final ideation stage is quite fluid you need to be ready to write down the ideas before they’re lost. Keep a notebook handly, especially on the bedside table, so that you can write down the ideas as soon as they emerge.
You’ll soon find you have plenty of great ideas!
Observe, combine, create
This process begins in a similar way: observation is a way of gathering information.
The key to this process is combine. It’s a technique of idea generation which involves taking existing ideas, and combining them to create something new.
This process is great for creating new products. As a very simple example, putting a camera into a mobile phone combined two existing products to create something new.
For my holiday, I might see a ‘foodies’ holiday in Italy, but chose to combine it with my original destination, Thailand. This inspiration could result in a tour around the gastronomic hotspots to sample Thai cuisine.
Dreamer, Realist, Critic
This final creative thinking process involves not just generating ideas, but also evaluating and improving them. It’s know as ‘The Disney Way’ as it was originally used by Walt Disney to generate ideas and evaluate ideas for his movies.
The Dreamer is free of all constraints, has infinite resources and anything they think of is guaranteed to succeed. This mindset is designed to overcome limitations, and generate the ‘free thinking’ required to come up with great and outrageous ideas.
The Realist is more practical: evaluating and refining ideas.
And finally, The Critic asks if the ideas are really good enough. If not, it’s back to The Dreamer!
As I search for a holiday, I might dream of going to the moon. Not possible, but as I become a realist it will trigger more thoughts. Perhaps I could visit NASA? Or try skydiving? Or visit Area 51?
In summary: Three Creative Thinking Processes
Next time you have a challenge that requires a creative solution, try using these techniques. You’ll soon be developing your creative thinking skills, and generating more and better ideas too!
This week on Chi For Yourself we get “creative”, with a look back on the 2011 interview with Michael Michalko, one of the most highly acclaimed creativity experts in the world. Michael talks about his book Creative Thinkering and ways we can synthesize dissimilar subjects, think paradoxically, and enlist the help of our subconscious minds. His intention? Liberate your thinking and literally expand your imagination!
The interview will air on BlogTalkRadio at 1pm Eastern, 10 am in the Pacific time zone.
Article:
The Long Arm of the Universe: You Can Run But You Can’t Hide From Natural Law
So there I am, enjoying a beautiful Saturday afternoon of shopping with my mate. She and I had picked up several items when I casually suggested how one of those items could be used and then returned to the store. Nothing unusual- it’s done all the time. Not against the law, I thought. In fact, people do it all the time and the store actually expects it.
As the week progressed I realized that I had slipped into a behavior that was common in my younger days. Get something for nothing, use it, bring it back in perfect condition, and be ahead of the game- no harm no foul! But even if society doesn’t police these actions you can be sure the Universe does. I felt I had been slapped “upside the head” with a classic scarcity lesson. And what’s that queasy feeling I have in the pit of my stomach? Why I believe it’s guilt!
from Wikipedia: Guilt is a cognitive or an emotional experience that occurs when a person realizes or believes—accurately or not—that he or she has compromised his or her own standards of conduct or has violated a moral standard, and bears significant responsibility for that violation.[1] It is closely related to the concept of remorse.
Hmmm. Remorse. Yeah, I’d say there was some of that, too. I wondered to myself why I felt that I had to resort to a mindset that I thought I had abandoned long ago. I’ve experienced such abundance in my life. Those store items were very affordable, but like a reversal of the well-known *Patanjali quote a “dormant force” had come back to make me feel otherwise. I had betrayed my Self. Not a shining example of genuine living.
“True guilt is guilt at the obligation one owes to oneself to be oneself. False guilt is guilt felt at not being what other people feel one ought to be.” (R. D. Laing)
I’ve since taken steps to balance the Universe’s “books.” And I’m doing that with great gratitude. I appreciate that I’m given the insight to see what I did and that I have the choice to answer that faint inner voice in the affirmative. In the words of author Marge Kennedy: “Hard though it may be to accept, remember that guilt is sometimes a friendly internal voice reminding you that you’re messing up.”
Messed up. My bad.
*“When you are inspired by some great purpose, some extraordinary project, all your thoughts break their bonds: Your mind transcends limitations, your consciousness expands in every direction, and you find yourself in a new, great, and wonderful world. Dormant forces, faculties and talents become alive, and your discover yourself to be a greater person by far than you ever dreamed yourself to be.”
-Patanjali
Join us on Chi For Yourself as we talk about procrastination with guest Sam Bennett. She’s the author of Get it Done: From Procrastination to Creative Genius in 15 Minutes a Day.
Sam Bennett
Can you really be successful in just 15 minutes a day? Sam says “Absolutely! I’ve had clients finish their graduate thesis, complete oil paintings, make jewelry, cut albums, create voice over demos, lose weight, reconnect with their sexuality and even write a novel. It’s absolutely astonishing how much a person can accomplish in just 15 minutes, and especially when you put in 15 minutes every day for a week, a month, six months, or even several years. Small, consistent effort can bring jaw-dropping results.”
The interview begins on Thursday April 9th at 1pm Pacific, 4pm Eastern time. You’ll find it at chiforyourself.com’s Start page.
We’re starting off the April Chi For Yourself schedule with a visit by Peter Sklivas, author of THE SECRET OF ENDURING LOVE: Yoga Romance of Damayanti and Nala….it’s a 21st century re-telling of an ancient Vedic tale from India. Peter will talk about Princess Damayanti’s archetypal journey of embracing a life of loving the self, God and the beloved and the true nature of yoga.
Reviewers call it “an original and well-written tale about achieving true love.”
You’ll hear the Peter Sklivas interview on Chi For Yourself on Thursday April 3rd at Noon Pacific, 3pm Eastern on the Start Here page.
The Chi For Yourself interview with Meagan McCrary on January 9th saw some problems in our Google + Hangouts presentation. The podcast was posted and has been up and running, but if you haven’t heard that show (and your tastes lean toward YouTube) I’m including the finally finished ‘Tube version of Chi For Yourself with guest Meagan McCrary..
On the surface it may appear that yoga is yoga is yoga, but take a closer look and you’ll discover myriad different yoga systems and lineages. There are dozens of yoga styles to choose from, and while yoga is for everyone, not every style is the perfect fit for every person. But how do you choose between mysterious-sounding names such as Ashtanga, Kundalini, Bikram, and Kripalu? Our Chi For Yourself guest Meagan McCrary says finding the right style is essential for establishing a steady yoga practice. Her book Pick Your Yoga Practice: Exploring and Understanding Different Styles of Yoga is described as the first book to describe the most prominent yoga styles in depth, including teaching methodology, elements of practice, philosophical and spiritual underpinnings, class structure, physical exertion, and personal attention. Meagan encourages those new to yoga that they will discover they have options and can confidently attend a class of their choosing, while experienced practitioners will expand their understanding of the vast world of modern yoga, and perhaps find themselves venturing into new territory.
Click on Meagan’s picture to hear the show..
Meagan McCrary
..and, don’t forget to listen Valentine’s Day Friday February 14th- 1pm Eastern for the 2012 interview with guest Dr. Debra Reble, author of Soul-Hearted Partnership: Creating the Ultimate Experience of Love, Passion, and Intimacy.
Click on the BlogTalkRadio logo to hear the show..
On Valentine’s Day the Core Values of Love Matter
By Dr. Charles D. Schmitz and Dr. Elizabeth A. Schmitz, the Official Guides To Marriage
Commit to the seven core values of successful love and marriage and you can make your Valentine’s Day the best ever.
We have learned a lot about successful love and marriage in the USA and around the world over these past 32 years. The results of our studies are shared in our multiple award winning book entitled Building a Love that Lasts. In this article we would like to do is share with you what we have found to be the Seven Core Values of All Loving Relationships.
Over the past 32 years, we have learned much about what makes great marriages tick – about what makes them successful. Even in spite of ominous odds from time to time, the best marriages survive and thrive, and we know why! They survive and thrive because they are committed to the Core Values present in all great marriages and successful loving relationships. Here they are in a nutshell.
1. The couple in love is committed to always putting each other first in their relationship with each other.
The first thing you notice in all highly successful loving relationships is that those who purport to be in love recognize that their relationship is not about you and me, it is about US. Discovering that YOU are not the center of the universe is the hallmark of a great relationship. Actually putting another human being number one is a powerful indication that you are truly in love.
2. The couple in love is committed to democracy in their relationship.
Always remember, successful loving relationships are egalitarian. Namely, the best relationships understand that theirs is a shared relationship. If one person has all the power and makes all the decisions, it is NOT love! True love is a very democratic thing!
3. The couple in love is committed to ensuring their mutual happiness.
Remember, true love is not just about ensuring your happiness. More importantly, and often for the first time in your life, you actually enjoy and are motivated by ensuring the happiness of someone other than yourself. It is a good feeling!
4. The couple in love values absolute trustworthiness and integrity in their relationship with each other.
If you cannot trust the one you love, then it is not true love! Trust us on that. The most successful loving relationships report that they trust their mate unequivocally and without hesitation. To violate that trust is to undermine and, ultimately destroy, the relationship with the one you say you love.
5. The couple in love is committed to caring and unconditional love for each other.
When you truly love someone you do so without conditions. It is not about loving you IF . . . True love is unconditional.
6. The couple in love is committed to being mutually respectful towards each other.
There is a Golden Rule in true love and it is like the one you learned early in your life – “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Do not expect to be treated with respect when you are disrespectful to the one you love. Respectfulness is at the heart of all great loving relationships.
7. The couple in love values their mutual sense of responsibility for each other.
People in love care for each other in ways that they have never cared for another human being. They feel a sense of responsibility for another person that they have never felt before. It feels so good to put another’s needs above your own. To do so is to love deeply.
The Core Values of all successful loving relationships are at the heart of the matter. If you and your mate master these values, your love will, in all probability, last a lifetime. What a Valentine’s Day gift that would be!
Simple Things Matter in Love and Marriage, particularly on Valentine’s Day. Love well!
* Creating a successful marriage is not always the easiest thing to do. Your visiting our blog suggests you are highly interested in making your relationship work! And truthfully, we have learned over 30 years of marriage research that there are proven effective ways to ensure a happy and healthy marriage. In fact, as love and marriage experts we took hundreds of tips from the thousands of happy couples we interviewed throughout the world and put them into our award-winning and bestselling book, Building a Love that Lasts
Author’s Bio:
Now you can order the Doctors’ multiple award winning book Building a Love that Lasts, the Mom’s Choice Awards Gold Medal Winner for Most Outstanding Relationships and Marriage Book. With 32 years of research experience on successful marriage and their own 47-year marriage, Drs. Charles and Elizabeth Schmitz know what makes marriage work. From their hundreds of interviews with happily married couples, representing 15,000 years of marriage, they’ve discovered the seven pervasive characteristics present in all successful marriages. Their book exposes the secrets for success through these poignant, real life stories.
During their distinguished careers the Doctors have received some 65 local, state, and national awards; published nearly 350 articles and manuscripts; delivered over 1000 speeches, workshops and public presentations; traveled throughout the world; and appeared on radio and television and in the print media. Dr. Charles D. Schmitz is Dean and Professor Emeritus of Family and Counseling Therapy at the University of Missouri in St. Louis and Dr. Elizabeth A. Schmitz is President of Successful Marriage Reflections, LLC.
Additional Resources covering Marriage can be found at:
Well, it’s holiday time in the US..and no matter how you observe (or if) this post is intended to send season’s greetings and gratitude from Chi For Yourself. This is the season to be jolly, so we present The “Jollytologist”, Allen Klein and the CFY interview of December 19th. Allen always brings a lighthearted look at life. And to provide a little light (and heat) we’ve included a roaring fire as accompaniment. (Okay…it’s schmaltzy, but play along!)
Buddha
Creative thinking can be learnt. And to do so it helps to understand the creative thinking process: the structure and steps that you need to take to generate (and sometime evaluate) creative ideas.
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